Photo by: Ian Watson/USA Network
Following a mid-season premiere that ended with a girls’ night that (as predicted) viewers didn’t actually get to view, SUITS’ most recent episode continued exploring what happens when Louis Litt is managing partner and everyone else is the same. The episode title, “Whale Hunt,” referred to Harvey Specter’s messy attempt at landing a big client. Meanwhile, three-fourths of the series’ female characters all dabbled, in some way or another, at mixing business with pleasure. For Katrina, it was the ever-obvious dilemma of the spark between herself and Craig-From-Degrassi Brian; Samantha, on the other hand, accepted a case that involved working with rival Alex Williams’ wife. And then there was Donna’s “empowering” new romance.
A whale of an ass. It all started out so well; it kind of ended well, too. The behavior in the middle, though…not so much. Following the previous episode’s spat over how to handle Harvey’s latest attempt at taking down Malik, “Whale Hunt” kicked off to a nice, mature start. Mature!Louis made a much-needed return to make amends with Harvey and remind him that he’s “the best closer in the city.”
Because SUITS viewers have never, ever heard that description of Harvey before.
Once that lack of confusion was nice and extra-cleared up, the lawyers decided that Harvey should put his talents to use by trying to sign Stephen Palmer. But Mr. Palmer had already learned of Harvey’s reputation for being the guy who basically never does what he’s told. (Fact check: Green light.) Palmer sent Harvey away with his tail between his legs and no deal on the table, whatsoever.
Back at the firm, the new boss man wanted to know Harvey’s whale status. Obviously, the best way to handle this was to lie to Louis and say he was [insert sportsball reference for being close to scoring here]. So, when Louis called Palmer to give the whole, “we really value your business” spiel, he had a rather rude awakening: “I’ll tell you what I told him. He has a reputation for not doing what he’s told.” (Fact check: Oprah says hi.)
Not only did Louis have one less client than he’d hoped for; but he was also making a complete idiot of himself and establishing his own reputation as “managing partner who can’t even tell when his lawyers are lying to him.” But Palmer gave him the chance to prove that he at least wasn’t another “guy who doesn’t do what he’s told” (fact check: false) by inviting him to play some poker. Harvey invited himself along and made an appearance, even after Louis specifically told him to stay away.
See also: Harvey doesn’t know how to listen.
And that, SUITS gang, is how we were subjected to “Harvey and Louis behave like children at a poker table, make themselves both look like idiots — but mostly Louis.” I mean, we haven’t seen this level of immature bickering in front of clients since the good ol’ days. And we shouldn’t have had to see it at this point in the characters’ so-called development. Harvey’s entire speech about what a loser Louis was compared to him, capped off with Louis losing as predicted, was just a whole new level of unprofessional.
If I’m Stephen Palmer, I’m staying far, far away from Insert Firm Name Here, “best closer in the city” or no.
After the Mike Ross fiasco went public, it might have seemed impossible to make this firm’s reputation even worse than it already was; but Harvey and Louis are nothing if not guys who love a challenge. On top of making themselves look like the hot messes they are, Dumb and Dumber also managed to make life difficult for Donna by having Dumber demand that she fix everything — just as she was getting ready to leave. Luckily for Donna (and us all), Gretchen more than had her covered.
SUITS’ highlight of the week? Pretty much everything Gretchen had to say to Harvey and everything about how Aloma Wright delivered it. Period.
When Gretchen told Donna she’d take care of “those fools” so the other woman could make bad choices go out with Thomas, my immediate reaction was something along the lines of, “God help them.” Even then, I was unprepared. And because he’s not a complete idiot, nearly drowning in Gretchen’s special blend of hot tea convinced Harvey to make amends with Louis.
As “Whale Hunt” closed out, Specter and Litt were back to being best friends. They even sealed the deal over some decaf prunies. (Harvey has gotten so old while hiding from his feelings that he no longer makes jokes about how gross Louis’ prune drink looks, so there’s that. Gotta get that fiber!)
Three personal cookies. While the boys were “being boys,” the ladies (all except Gretchen!) were having difficulty with the concept of keeping the personal separate from the professional.
For Katrina, it was all about pheromones. Her case of the week involved perfume, so that meant she should tempt fate by spending lots of extra alone time with Craig-From-Degrassi Brian. In one electrically-charged, yet unintentionally hilarious scene, Katrina sprayed some perfume on her wrist and instructed her associate to close his eyes and sniff it. Later, after things had nearly gotten completely out of hand (out of wrist?), Katrina accepted an invitation to work at Craig-From-Degrassi Brian’s home while his wife was out. Awkwardness ensued. Again.
But it got worse!
In a meeting with the perfume rip-off people, where they were supposed to be negotiating on behalf of their client, Katrina and Craig-From-Degrassi Brian had some sort of Larvey-inspired personal meltdown instead. We’re talking lots of hinting at Katrina wanting to be the chosen one, all while Craig-From-Degrassi Brian let it drop that he couldn’t choose her, “no matter how much [he wanted] to” because he had already chosen someone else.
Interesting.
Seeing as how they clearly had some unresolved — and unresolvable — tension, Katrina did the “right” thing by telling her associate that they could no longer work together.
SUITS has never exactly had the most puritanical characters, but on a series where — thanks to Harvey’s childhood trauma — the established “big bad” is infidelity, it’s a little bit unfortunate to be wasting time on rooting for this. But hey. Catrina is a really clever shipper name, assuming you understand that Brian = Craig.
If Katrina’s ultimate choice was to put her professional life first by not pursuing things with her married coworker, the other side of the coin came from Donna’s decision to accept a client’s invitation to dinner. Now, Thomas Kessler had already promised not to take no for an answer; and as we learned in “Whale Hunt,” he also went ahead and made reservations before ever bothering to make sure he heard the answer he wanted. Because nothing says “empowered” woman, finally getting herself a personal life, like pairing her up with a manipulative man.
Rather than accept orders from her firm’s managing partner, Donna did a full 180 from her usual career-first mode to arguing with her boss and, essentially, refusing to do what she was told. That’s…not how finding a work-life balance and proving that a woman can “have it all” works, but sure.
On the date itself, the SUITS writers were kind enough to soften the blow by actually confirming that they remembered the tiny little bit of personal backstory they’d actually given the former secretary. After she listened to his smugly told dad-jokes, Donna told Thomas all about life in her 20s, when she was an aspiring actress. But then he said something about his own career as a designer only taking off because he was such a terrible actor, so — har, har — we’re all supposed to laugh with Donna about how that implied she was a terrible actress.
Ok.
In yet another attempt at actual continuity, Donna brought up the fact that she was initially concerned about mixing business with pleasure (as she should have been, given her own established rules and her advice to Katrina). But — and she was interrupted by the man, who had to explain her own feelings to her here — “it’s all been pleasure.”
Fact check: Nope.
Actual pleasure: Samantha Wheeler worked with Alex Williams’ wife, Rosalie. Bonus pleasure: They were sticking it to for-profit colleges.
There’s not much to say here, other than that this was a pairing that simply worked. And while Alex was smart to stay out of the case in the beginning, he was also completely justified in stepping in when and how he did. But if Jessica Pearson ever needs someone from her old firm to come to Chicago when PEARSON finally airs, I’d say Harvey/Louis/Whoeverisbossbythen should send Sam and Rosalie. Because that was a dream team if I ever saw one.
Thoughts (and prayers for Harvey now that he knows Donna had plans):
- “A good leader inspires people to do what they do best.” This is true.
- “My reputation is being the best closer in the city.” This is…false now? Cool.
- “The only thing Harvey fights hardest for is himself.” (50% true because we know he’s incapable of doing this in his personal life. Work, on the other hand…)
- “I don’t follow orders. I don’t bend the knee. I win.” Sure, Harvey.
- “It makes me sick, the two of you acting like children.” Me at most of these characters at this point.
- “I would’ve been gentle, but sometimes, someone just needs to knock the shit out of you. And Donna just happens to have plans tonight.” Insert Harvey looking like a kicked puppy for “drama” purposes here. Tired.
- To paraphrase a good friend of mine, please don’t sniff your coworkers.
- No, really. Just don’t.
- Also: Don’t go for the decaf chai. Decaf is the devil (unless you have legitimate health concerns, obviously). Katrina might be a demon.
- “We all know what women respond to.” We, whomst? Because I don’t really see a lot of people around SUITS that have a clue these days.
- Donna told Gretchen she had “absolutely freaking nothing” keeping her from getting her freak on, so I’m guessing Absolutely Freaking Nothing is Harvey’s new name.
- Knew we weren’t going to get to actually see girls’ night. Still salty.
- Still.
- Alex’s first answer for why he wanted to stay out of Sam and Rosalie’s way during their case? “You are two strong women, with strong opinions about anything you have ever thought.” Fact check: That was probably the most valid line that ever came out of Alex Williams’ mouth.
- “If you don’t want to eat a cookie, stay out of the kitchen.” Donna has starved herself for 84 exhausting years…and should maybe stay out of the client kitchen while she’s busy giving advice.
- Dude’s “romantic” attempt at taking care of Donna’s needs because nobody had done it before him (how much stalking did he do to learn that?) screamed “creeper.” He’s one breath away from becoming Joe Goldberg from YOU.
- “Why does anybody go to college? To make their lives better.” And to rack up tons of debt, only to be over-qualified for pretty much everything because of their degree, all while being too inexperienced for anything because of the time spent earning it…
- “I get it: He’s an equal opportunity asshole.” “Serving the community 24 hours a day.” Zero lies detected.
- Imagine thinking you need to order Donna Paulsen to “wear something stunning,” as if she wouldn’t already do that. Can’t relate.
- “Because Louis is an asshole, and so is Harvey.” The answer to most of SUITS’ most burning questions.
Can Katrina and Brian stay away from each other? Will Larvey rise, now that Harvey has tasted Louis’ prunies? Is Donna ever going to be as smart about her life as she is about literally everything else?
Tune in to an all-new episode of SUITS on Wednesday, February 6, at 10/9c on USA.
