Best Response: After being taken to task for a publicity shot featuring a very un-period plastic water bottle, the cast of DOWNTON ABBEY took another pic mocking the mistake.
Most Unexpected Connection: MASTERS OF SEX’s Libby was shocked — and so were we — to discover that Coral’s supposed lover was actually her brother!
Least Likely To Get Fired: Before drenching Julie Chen as part of the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, Will Arnett declared, “I’ve got to say, I don’t think this is a good idea, to do this to the bosses wife, but I’m gonna do it.” Of course, her husband — CBS head honcho Les Moonves was the one who challenged the Chenbot. And, just to make sure it wasn’t at all tacky or seen as using something awesome for less than awesome purposes, he challenged her to do it live on BIG BROTHER.
Longest Search: After doing everything but hold cattle calls, THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS finally filled the role of Adam, vacated after portrayer Michael Muhney was fired in a firestorm of scandalous accusations. The new Adam will be (drumroll, please) Justin Hartley, most recently of REVENGE and MISTRESSES.
Least Likely To Understand His Place: Ian Ziering wants a raise for the third flick in the ZIERINGNADO series. Oh, wait. That’s not what it’s called?
Best Early Halloween Treat: FX announced that AMERICAN HORROR STORY: FREAK SHOW will debut on October 8.
Least Surprising Break-up: JERSEY SHORE’s Ronnie & Sammi are calling it quits. Again. Because, you know, um… oh, who cares.
Most Meta Twist: On the show CASTLE, Nathan Fillion’s fictional alter ego is an author, Richard Castle, who writes a series of books about a character named Derrick Storm. Now, those books, printed in the real world, are being turned into a TV series. Because someone at ABC is on way better drugs than me.
Lamest Lawsuit: DATING NAKED contestant Jessie Nizewitz is suing the show’s producers because… wait for it… wait for it… they accidentally showed her naughty bits. On a show called DATING NAKED.
Most Twisted Twist: THE LEFTOVERS’ Patti revealed that she’d killed Gladys — who’d happily allowed herself to be sacrificed — before offing herself!
Smartest Exec: Shonda Rhimes told TVLine that she’s learned, in essence, never to say never when it comes to things that may or may not happen to characters down the line. “People always say, ‘Seven seasons, ago, you said… ’” Apparently, she’s only just now learning that fans have long memories. Oh, and are completely insane.
Best Scheme Team: THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s Deacon and Quinn are a match made in hell… and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
Best Return: While we could do without Kelly Cutrone’s mean-spirited attitude, it was fantastic to see Miss J return to AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL.
Grandest Scale: FOX’s new show UTOPIA — on which 15 people will be tasked with creating a new society — will unfold over the course of an entire year. 
Richard M. Simms watches way too much television and, as executive editor of Soaps In Depth, actually gets paid to do so. You can chat with him on Twitter @dispatchesFTC.