The TV Addict 

Do you know how long I’ve waited to post the words “You Be the Critic”? I mean seriously, it’s been months! And not even the lameness of Michael “Why does FOX keep hiring me?” Rappaport on PRISON BREAK could ruin the excitement that was two hours of Sara and Michael reunited, a GOSSIP GIRL premiere that lived up to the hype [I mean could Chuck and Blair be anymore fun?] and ONE TREE HILL that not only featured the return of Cruella DeVictoria but the awesome craziness that is Nanny Carrie.

So if you’re new to theTVaddict.com, here’s your chance. Put on your critics hat and let us all know what you thought of last night’s TV.

Much like GOSSIP GIRL’s titular character, I’m back. (I’ll refrain from saying, “You know you love me” and signing off with XOXO, CT”… but it’ll be tough. Anyway, a million thanks to our pals at The CW for recognizing that Labor Day marks not only the last day of summer but, at least symbolicly, the first day of fall and launching their new season. What better way to kick things off then by watching Blair Waldorf play games with Chuck “Basstard” against gorgeous backgrounds. It wouldn’t be GG without very bad things happening at a very hip party. This time around, it was the White Party, where Dan’s hypocrisy left him wearing more cocktails than he consumed, Nate’s affair with a married women (how gorgeous did Madchen Amick look?) took a completely expected twist and Blair learned the true meaning of the words “Oh my Lord!” As guilty pleasures go, the season premiere was the equivalent of a Jackie Collins novel toted to the beach: By the time the tide’s gone out, you’ll have forgotten the details despite having enjoyed the ride while it lasted.

The faux flash-forward that kicked off the new season of ONE TREE HILL was the kind of thing that makes me realize just how much I underestimated this show in the past. Last year, I became a major fan, accepting that while the acting is sometimes laughably bad, there’s something undeniably addictive about this drama. How can I resist Brooke and her mom (the wonderfully bitchy Daphne Zuniga) trading zingers? Or hearing Skills tell Deb they should go public by saying to her son,, “Nate, look, I’m dating your mom. Sleeping with her. Doing all kinds of freaky stuff with her.” Heck, the show even made up for what I thought was one of last season’s bigger mistakes — the blink-and-you-missed-it resolution of the storyline involving Jamie’s nutty nanny — by bringing creepy Carrie back and making her Dan’s nasty nurse! The only thing not working for me? The lame Lucas/Peyton pairing. How incredibly predictable! Come on, wouldn’t it have been more interesting if Lucas had called Brooke? The chemistry between them — even in that brief scene that topped the episode — is far more incendiary than what passes for sparks where he and Peyton are concerned. But hey, they ain’t married yet, so there’s still hope!

How much do you wanna bet that when some DAILY SHOW staffer told Jon Stewart that McCain’s vice presidential choice had an married, knocked-up teenage daughter, the host thought he was being punked? And I’m not sure, but I’d be willing to bet that COUNTDOWN’s Keith Olbermann salivated at the news. I imagine that the folks over at FOX News immediately began working to spin the poor girl’s upcoming insta-marriage (just add shotgun!) as proof that “Republican family values” work. At this point, the Republicans should just name Larry Craig their Values Czar and be done with it.

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PRISON BREAK [FOX 8PM, GlobalTV in Canada]
Do you really need to know anything outside of the fact that Michael and Sara are reunited? What’s that, you do? Okay then,  how about this for a little teaser. By the time the clock strikes 10PM, a major character will no longer be with us. While the lives of one, possibly two others  hang in the balance.

GOSSIP GIRL [CW 8PM, 'A' Channel in Canada]
Here’s the thing. Either Chuck and Blair spent their entire summer watching one of this TV Addicts favorite all-time guilty pleasure movies CRUEL INTENTIONS. Or something’s up with the water in the Hamptons. Because when GOSSIP GIRL returns tonight after a far too long summer hiatus. Chuck and Blair’s scheming reaches new heights, Dan has evolved into a genuine Ladies man and Nate makes a case for real-life actor Chace Crawford’s money demands by traipsing around in his boxers for half the episode. [Click here to check out the season premiere's first five minutes]

ONE TREE HILL [CW 9PM, SunTV in Canada]
Lucas makes his choice between Peyton, Lindsey and Brooke. And considering we really didn’t get why Brooke was [possibly] on the other end of that surprising finale phone call to begin with, this TV Addict’s hoping its Peyton. [Click here for OTH Showrunner Mark Schwahn's season preview]

Related Posts:
Play the GOSSIP GIRL Second Season Spoiler Challenge

Photo Credits: Giovanni Rufino/The CW ©2008
FOX. ©2008 Fox Broadcasting Co. Michael Lavine/FOX

By: Amrie Cunningham

When we last left the gang from ONE TREE HILL:  Fans were left scratching their heads as to who was on the other end of Lucas’ invitation to a shotgun wedding in Vegas. Brooke, Lindsay or Peyton.

This Season: The cliffhanger will be answered quickly, and we’ll move on from there.  But don’t count Lindsay out just because her portrayer Michaela McManus has joined LAW & ORDER: SVU in a much more mature role. Showrunner Mark Schwann promises she’ll be back, although he was mighty fuzzy on the specifics.

Also in store for the denizens of TREE HILL is a little more darkness. With speculation running rampant that Brooke will be heading to a very dark place this season. And while we’re not sure as to why, we’re willing to bet that it has something to do with the mother-from-hell, Victoria [played to perfection by Daphne Zuniga] returning for a multi-episode arc. And speaking of hell. Fans have not seen the last of the babysitter-from-hell Nanny Carrie, who is said to be returning sometime this season. One thing’s for sure, she better not lay a hand on the adorable Jackson Brundage. Or as we like to call him, the cutest kid to hit Hollywood since Jonathan “The human head weighs eight pounds” Lipnicki!

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Having made the ‘Choice’ decision to hang out backstage rather than risk permanent hearing impairment courtesy of the thousands of screaming Jonas Brothers/Miley Cyrus fans at last night’s TEEN CHOICE AWARDS 2008. This TV Addict is proud to present this blow-by-blow account of all the behind-the-scenes fun you didn’t see on camera.

Choice Example of America’s Faltering Education System: When asked what the biggest challenge America’s youth is currently facing, Choice Movie Actor Winner Channing Tatum said, “America’s Education system is not doing good.” ‘Nuff said!

Choice Irony: After the adorably radiant Sophia Bush told teen girls everywhere that no matter what you look like or wear, girls should, “own it, and embrace yourself because anyone can feel fabulous.” A reporter who clearly wasn’t listening followed up with, “What are you wearing?”

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It would seem ONE TREE HILL fans can safely assume Lindsay wasn’t the one whom Lucas invited to Vegas in the show’s season finale. Michaela McManus, who played the Lucas-jilting editor last season, has just signed on to play the new assistant district attorney on LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT, replacing Diane Neal (who played Casey Novak). Hmmm… could NBC and SVU making a desperate (and rather transparent) bid to grab a younger audience?

In anticipation of tonight’s ONE TREE HILL season finale, this TV Addict thought he’d post a few photos from my recent trip to the CW Up Front in New York City. Not surprisingly, unlike some of the more standoffish GOSSIP GIRL cast members, the denizens of Tree Hill were more than accommodating when it came to taking photos.
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Normally, I ask y’all not to judge me. But today… yeah, feel free. Because I’m gonna admit that last night, I watched FARMER WANTS A WIFE. Not that I’ll be making that mistake again. Where the heck do they find these people? From the kinda creepy titular farmer, Matt, to the ladies competing to play hen to his rooster, this show was a mess. And not the kind that comes with the word “hot” before it. Of course, several of the women are virgins, because that’s the new thing on reality. (When even PARADISE HOTEL 2 landed one, virginity officially became a reality trend.) And what are we to make of Josie, the republican who declares that she wants to live on a farm so she can ride horses and attend polo matches, because “a farmer’s wife doesn’t work. She has people who work for her.” If there’s one thing the women — save Brooke, who actually, heaven help her, seems like a nice gal — have in common, it is that they believe “big city” guys are losers. Hello, pot? This is kettle. I will, however, give the show credit for having one of the most unusual elimination ceremonies in the history of reality television: Each girl had to pick up a live chicken to see if it was sitting on an egg, with the egg-free lass being sent back to the city. I couldn’t make this crap up if I tried. Given that the first episode ended with Farmer Matt sending Stephanie packing instead of the idiotic Josie, who is obviously there to create drama and wouldn’t accept if this guy proposed anyway, tells you everything you need to know. Obviously, producers had more to say about the outcome than the farmer, so having the entire thing come down to the laying of an egg is wildly appropriate.

Anybody else think BROTHERS & SISTERS moved way too fast with Kitty and Robert? Why the heck are they suddenly all about having a baby? Haven’t they been married for, like, three minutes? Meanwhile, the whole Rebecca/Justin thing is just playing kinda creepy. Yes, we suspected for a while — and now know — that she wasn’t a Walker. (First clue: She doesn’t drink nearly enough.) But Justin doesn’t know that, so he needs to stop leering at his supposed sister! And it was nice to have Scotty refuse to be patronized to by or settle for Kevin’s offer that they become domestic (or, as one of the Walker boys put it, “domesticated”) partners. More and more, I’m realizing that I watch this show more for the dialogue and acting than the storylines. In fact, I tend to watch it DESPITE the storylines. Am I alone in that?

SURVIVOR has been on fire this season, and in recent weeks, it’s been entirely about the hidden immunity idol. First, Ozzy found the real one, replaced it with a fake and used it to great advantage before being blindsided. Then Jason found the next hidden idol, failed to play it and was blindsided in exactly the same manner! It’s been a while since I’ve been this into SURVIVOR, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

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If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? What if that tree is ONE TREE HILL and nobody knows it’s back on the air?

That is the question this TV Addict is left to ponder after coming to the realization that I completely missed Monday’s return of ONE TREE HILL.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Should not a self-proclaimed TV Addict make it his business to know when each and every show returns to air? Probably. But rather than dwell on past mistakes, I’ve decided to focus on to the bigger question at hand. Who’s to blame?

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I loved the wedding episode of ONE TREE HILL, but I can’t help wishing the show would slow things down a bit. If I were writing the show (and really, who doesn’t imagine taking over the reigns of their favorites?), I’d have either had Dan be in cahoots with Nutty Nanny or, even better, have this play out over several weeks. Show the kid being led away from the church, but not by whom. My dream story? Thanks to Haley, everyone points accusatory fingers in Dan’s direction. Meanwhile, Dan has to cozy up to the nanny in order to find out where she’s got Jamie stashed. Eventually, he finds out where the kid is and rides to the rescue… but in the process, Jamie is badly injured and winds up in a coma. The nanny skips town, leaving everyone in Tree Hill to assume that Dan kidnapped and injured Jamie. Because he was spotted with the nanny on several occasions, it is also assumed he was romancing her. Only after they’ve all torn into Dan does Jamie wake up and reveal that his grandpa was, in fact, his rescuer! Anyway, I loved the moment when Lindsay — and, by extension, the audience — realized what the “comet” in Lucas’ story represented. As a long-time soap fan, there’s nothing I respect and appreciate more than a show which plays to the established history and, in doing so, flashes back to long-ago scenes fans remember. It’s like a wonderful little reward for loyal viewers.

This season of LOST continues to rock, although I wish the producers would tell those in the promotions department to stop giving away final-moment twists. After seeing endless ads touting the fact that someone would die, it was almost inevitable that we might be disappointed when the fatalities turned out to be Carl and Danielle (although I hated seeing Mira Furlan, whom I’ve loved since her days as BABYLON 5’s Deleen, bite the bullet… here’s hoping her shooting was of the near-death variety). Fortunately, the episode delivered on so many other levels, whether small (Big Tom is gay???), medium (”If Widmore finds the island… he’ll kill them all without thinking twice.”) or large (”You can’t kill yourself. The island won’t let you.”). Heck, I even got to see my beloved Libby.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to whoever finally found the perfect project for Judy “That’s the last time you’ll ever see these!” Greer. Is MISS/GUIDED perfect? Not by a long shot. But to paraphrase Stuart Smalley, “It’s good enough, it’s smart enough and Doggone it, I like it!” Greer is surrounded by an appealing cast (Brooke Burns hasn’t been this likable since… um, ever!) and the whole package is just fun on a stick. I’m voting this high-school set series “Most Likely To Succeed… in stealing your heart if you give it half a chance.”

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