If there’s one show that I’m extremely distressed about the cancellation of, it has to be KINGS. While the first episode left me somewhat cold, it quickly found its footing and became a fascinating blend of almost lyrical dialogue, operatic storytelling and dynamic acting, particularly on the parts of Ian McShane and and Susanna Thompson as King Silas Benjamin and his queen, Rose. If you want to see television at its finest, go to NBC.com or Hulu.com and watch the episode titled “The Sabbath Queen”, in which secrets come to light during a blackout in the kingdom. It saddens me to no end that this show will soon conclude it’s run — although I’m glad to know that it will, reportedly, have a satisfying conclusion — so as to make room for yet more reality television. One recent twist in the story that came out of left field was the off-screen death of socialite-turned-Minister Of Information Katrina Ghent (played by the gorgeous Leslie Bibb, who seems to be popping up all over the place recently). The rivalry between Katrina and the queen was one of the highlights of recent episodes, so I was saddened by the character’s departure.

This weekend brings the two-hour finale of HARPER’S ISLAND, and friends who have seen the episode — which has already aired in Canada — say it is phenomenal. I won’t lie: the previous episode’s final moments, in which good-guy Cal was dispatched and his gorgeous girlfriend, Chloe, killed herself rather than allowing the psychotic murderer to do her in (”You can’t have me,” she said before taking a fatal plunge) actually left me crying. Kudos to CBS for not only launching the daring, limited-run series but, more importantly, for continuing to air it even after ratings proved disappointing. Other networks (cough*FOX*cough) could learn a thing or two from CBS’s example.

The things I do for you people. A few days ago, I checked out the premiere of NBC’s GREAT AMERICAN ROAD TRIP, which should probably be filed under “When Good Ideas Go Bad.” The concept is actually pretty fantastic: Seven families, each in a gigantic RV, traversing the famous Route 66 and taking part in competitions along the way. So far, so good… right? And then you meet the families. Unfortunately, the current trend in reality casting is to go for stereotypes. So of course, the Pollard family from Alabama is the most gun-lovin’, hickish clan they could find. And the DiSalvatore family of Yonkers, New York is loud, brash and headed by a guy who comes off as the love child of Brett Michaels and Joe Pesci, having inherited the worst traits of each. And I’m not sure what to make of host Reno Collier. I’m sure he’s a wonderful comedian, but I spent the entire hour wanting to tie the man’s hands to his side as he seemed completely incapable of speaking without holding them out as if he was Eva Peron appealing to the citizens of Argentina.

For far too long, major cliffhangers have been relegated to the daytime soaps (and even many of them seem to have lost touch with the art they perfected many moons ago) and primetime’s season finales. But I’m happy to report that the cliffhanger is alive and well… and being used to great effect by some of television’s most intriguing dramas.

Although last night’s season premiere of TRUE BLOOD seemed headed toward a “Sookie dumps Bill… again” ending, the show wisely avoided breaking the pair up in favor of a shocking cliffhanger in which Eric’s animal side came out as Lafayette cowered in fear, leaving us to wonder what the heck is going on in that weird torture chamber (which seems to be located beneath a salon based on the villainous vamp’s interrupted-in-progress dye job!).

And no currently-airing show does better cliffhangers then the woefully-underappreciated HARPER’S ISLAND, which quickly realized that the weekly murders were an interesting hook but not nearly as effective at bringing viewers back as the shocking final-moment clues as to the killer’s identity. “It’s all about you!” uttered one character to our heroine, Abby, before biting the bullet. And the creepiest kid on television — Madison, as perfectly played by Cassandra Sawtell — ended the latest outing with a stunning bit of info that seemed to indicate Abby’s dad might be the killer.

Another spookfest, SUPERNATURAL, proved this season that it could excel silmutaneously at two seemingly mutually exclusive formats: stand-alone episodes and those with mythology-related cliffhangers, many of which also worked on the emotional level tied to the major bumps our favorite ghostbusters hit in their brotherly relationship.

Interestingly, the art of the cliffhanger has, for some time now, seemed lost to those in charge of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, the show which should have been able to single-handedly revive the concept in primetime. Instead, it has relied for far too long on endings that were either trite, predictable or, worse, had no “tune-in-tomorrow” factor whatsoever. Someone needs to inform Marc Cherry that once we know a bad guy is bad — and yes, Dave, we’re talkin’ about you — there’s no suspense to having a voiceover tell us (gasp!) he’s plotting to do something bad.

Here’s hoping that network execs realize that if you don’t give people a reason to come back, they just might take you up on the non-invitation!

PARKS & RECREATION (8:30PM NBC, CityTV in Canada)
The pilot didn’t blow me away, but I’m willing to give another shot to anything that puts Amy Pohler on the screen. Tonight, her alter ego, Leslie, goes door-to-door in the hope of building support for her latest project.

THE OFFICE (9PM NBC)
This show has taken a very unfunny turn of late, but one thing that definitely works is the relationship between Jim and Charles. It’s easy to see how the behavior we’ve found charming in Jim over the years would be viewed completely differently by a corporate type. Tonight, Dwight decides to become Charles’ new best bud.

30 ROCK (9:30PM NBC, CityTV in Canada)
With film execs considering pulling the plugs on Jenna’s Janis Joplin project, she and Jack work to stir up some buzz. And Liz? She’s going a little bit nuts thanks to her forced suspension.

HARPER’S ISLAND (10PM CBS, Global in Canada)
The wedding party goes on a scavenger hunt, but what they’re likely to find is another body! This fun romp is officially my favorite show of the spring season. (At least until GLEE launches in May!)

SOUTHLAND (10PM NBC, CTV in Canada)
An abandoned baby stirs up memories of the past in Lydia, while Bryant and Moretta take unusual steps to protect a young woman.

NEW & NOTABLE:
MY NAME IS EARL (8PM NBC)
Joy’s bullying takes center stage as Randy tries to avoid it and Earl reflects on his own childhood experiences with a meanie.

ALL MY CHILDREN (8PM SOAPnet)
If it’s Thursday, it must be Kendall’s day to declare Ryan the love of her life. Friday will be Zach’s day and next Tuesday she’ll give Petey the eye.

SURVIVOR (8PM CBS, Global in Canada)
We’re intrigued by the title of tonight’s episode: “The Biggest Fraud In The Game.” Who might it be referring to? Expect details to unfold after a trio of contestants share an off-site reward together.

BONES (8PM FOX)
The Jeffersonian team dives (somewhat reluctantly) into the death-metal scene after finding out that a band in Norway has been using an actual human skull during their performances.

SAMANTHA WHO? (8:30PM ABC)
What happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas for Sam, who winds up losing bigtime. Meanwhile, best-sidekicks-ever Andrea and Dena ask favors of one another.

CSI (9PM CBS, CTV in Canada)
I’m not a big fan of this show, but I’ll admit it: The intriguing commercial for this episode — in which Hodges and Wendy investigate the death of a beloved sci fi actor — reeled me in. It just looks like a hoot and a half. That’s right, I said hoot and a half.

HELL’S KITCHEN (9PM FOX,)
I might watch this with the sound off if only because the remaining chef’s are heading to Atlantic City’s Borgata hotel, which is one of my favorite places. I don’t wanna hear Gordon screaming, but I’d like to see the restaurant the winner will wind up cooking at.

The Bad: That gritty and intense realism comes at a price. Not only did SOUTHLAND’s docudrama shaky cam have us this close to pulling a Ben Mackenzie of our very own (Read: Running outside and hurling on our lawn). The downer of a plot that included gangland violence, drug dealers and sexual predators made for one helluva depressing hour.

The Verdict: While we’re definitely curious enough to take another trip (or two) down south, Wells and Biderman need throw in a victory or two for the boys (and girls) in blue every once in a while. That, or risk losing viewers to lighter time slot competitors like HARPER’S ISLAND and PRIVATE PRACTICE.

PARKS AND RECREATION
The Good: Amy Poehler, Aziz Ansari, Rashida Jones and Chris Pratt, seriously… what’s not to love?

The Bad: Well, there is that OFFICE mockumentary style that while funny in THE OFFICE comes across as more of a lazy plot device (read: filler) that allowed for NBC President Ben Silverman to rush the show to air and in doing so, possibly save his job in the process. We’re just sayin’

The Verdict: Considering we stuck through hours upon hours of unfunny sketches on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE just to get the breath of fresh air that was Amy Poehler, we’d say that the odds are pretty good that we’ll be sticking around this park for quite some time.

HARPER’S ISLAND
The Good: A thirteen episode self-contained story where everybody is a suspect, nobody is safe and viewers are guaranteed a tidy (albeit possibly bloody) resolution by July 2 — we’re there!

The Bad: Even though this island is populated with enough tired horror clichés the creepy kid, being Exhibit ‘A’ and a group of vapid twenty-somethings, being Exhibit ‘B’ that kinda has us rooting for the serial killer on this one.

The Verdict: Considering we can do thirteen episodes in our sleep (And may in fact do so if the killer doesn’t strike that guy with the faux British accent soon) we don’t see ourselves leaving this island anytime soon.

PARKS AND RECREATION (8:30PM NBC)
In the series premiere, mid-level bureaucrat Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler) must turn an abandoned construction site into a community park. Which sure sounds simple enough, until you consider the fact that Knope must do so in a comedic manner that attracts just enough viewers to save NBC President Ben Silverman’s job.

THE OFFICE (9PM NBC)
Putting to test the age-old question: Is there such a thing as too much OFFICE-like mockumentary comes a second helping of THE OFFICE revolving around Andy and Dwight’s frienaissance, Charles demanding a “rundown” from Jim and Michael holding a Paper and Pancakes company luncheon which might end up as a flat affair.

30 ROCK (9:30PM NBC)
The economic meltdown hits 30 Rock, with word of imminent budget cuts putting a damper on TGS’ 50th episode celebration.

SOUTHLAND (10PM NBC, CTV in Canada)
This drama following LA cops from ER veteran John Wells and from Emmy-winning scribe Ann Biderman (NYPD BLUE) gets a lot right in tonight’s premiere: capturing the unadorned grit of the job, SOUTHLAND extends beyond the conventional approach of network crime shows by allowing itself be raw, and not being afraid to be dark. The performances are great (particularly a matured Benjamin McKenzie of THE O.C.) and mood is right, but restricted — it would be twice the show it is if it were given the freedoms cable provides. Still, its smart, strong work. Grade: B+ — Aleks Chan

HARPER’S ISLAND (10PM CBS, Global in Canada)
Like LOST, nothing is what it seems when a wedding party ends up stranded on an isolated island. Unlike LOST, fans will get definitive answers when this 13-part mystery concludes on July 2. Click here for theTVaddict.com’s review.

When I first heard CBS had picked up HARPER’S ISLAND last spring, I was intrigued: killing off attendees of a wedding party on a secluded island every week sounded like it could be Agatha Christie-style fun, especially with the decision to make it a limited series with a set end date. It had the potential — and I surmised this after seeing a few preview clips during last year’s upfront presentations – to be the sort of television event that seems such a distant idea now. Dreaming, in this case, is for suckers.

HARPER’S ISLAND doesn’t aspire to be anything but a means to repurpose old slasher films and gory teen flicks where melodramatic pretty folk get sliced up with the kind of visceral uninhibitedness that somehow dictates that all horror movie deaths must be done as grisly as possible. And in a way, it isn’t so bad: HARPER’S ISLAND isn’t the kind of suspenseful thriller you would ostensibly want it to be, but is rather the silly, preposterous train wreck that you can’t look away from.

Henry (Christopher Gorham, who somehow manages to smile in all his scenes in tonight’s premiere) and Trish (Katie Cassidy) are the bride and groom to be and have invited a small group of friends and family to the island to celebrate before the wedding. Henry and his best friend Abby (Elaine Cassidy) grew-up together on the island – him working there during the summer with his family, her as the sheriff’s daughter.

Abby’s hesitant to return – her mother was murdered years before by a man who “came to the island and started killing,” and seems to be back: every episode at least one of the 25 cast members is killed (somewhat masterfully, considering how the killer is in a lot of places at the same time). The deaths, are gruesome enough – you won’t find any of the delicacy in murder that you see in DEXTER, but they’re effective enough, providing a few genuine jumps if your willing to play along. (Tip: tune out the ONE TREE HILL-lite dialogue and you’ll be fine.)

For a 13-episode series without any intention to return (a British television model that a network like CBS would be smart to continue exploring), HARPER’S ISLAND does a decent enough job of providing admittedly cheesy thrills with characters you don’t need to care about (half of them are there be killed anyways) and a story line that isn’t at all demanding. It’s zero commitment television that can be as fun as you want it to be, especially if you have a DVR. So why not? Grade: B

HARPER’S ISLAND premieres Thursday April 9 at 10PM on CBC (GlobalTV in Canada)

Photo Credit: Chris Helcermanas-Benge/CBS