If last November’s ROSIE LIVE! was the final nail in the Primetime Variety Show’s coffin, last night’s FAMILY GUY PRESENTS: SETH AND ALEX’s ALMOST LIVE COMEDY SHOW was the funeral.

Starring Seth MacFarlane (FAMILY GUY, AMERICAN DAD, CLEVELAND SHOW) and Alex Borstein (the voice of “Lois”) SETH AND ALEX’s ALMOST LIVE COMEDY featured a mix of musical numbers, sketches and animated interstitials. Almost none of which — with the notable exception of a far-too-brief appearance by Stewie to introduce the trailers for the upcoming Warner Bros. films Sherlock Holmes and Ninja Assasins) was funny.

Offensive for offensive sake, the dynamic duo’s jokes ridiculing the Holocaust (Borstein objected to MacFarlane performing “Edelweiss” from The Sound of Music on the grounds that she is Jewish), Marlee Matlin’s speaking voice (Complete with cameo that went on far too long) and failed screen tests (Bea Arthur auditions for Showgirls), all fell terribly flat. So much so that for the first time ever, this self-proclaimed Apple fanboy now feels the need to publicly applaud Microsoft for showing the good taste to back out of this embarrassment. And there is absolutely nothing funny about that.

Wondering what could be more exciting than a Stewie-centric episode of FAMILY GUY: How does Stewie squared sound? We hope good! Because that my fellow FAMILY GUY addicts is exactly what’s in store for fans on November 15, when Stewie clones himself in order to have a personal assistant. More first look photos of which can be found after the jump.

In our continued effort to shine a spotlight on people who make us feel better about our very-own-borderline-unhealthy addiction to television, theTVaddict.com is thrilled to introduce you to Bob Conners.

Just how big of a FAMILY GUY addict is this Boston area farmer? So big that he mowed his corn maze into the shape of two of our FAMILY GUY favorites, Stewie and Brian.

Source: Boston.com

Good News: Paula Abdul’s manager David Sonenberg is not talking to AMERICAN IDOL. Bad News: A fact that he takes great pleasure in reminding anyone who will listen every other day. [LA Times]

Good News: Seth MacFarlane continues to release tongue-in-cheek ‘For Your Consideration’ videos for his Emmy nominated series FAMILY GUY. Bad News: And much the show itself — where MacFarlane and Co. have a nasty habit of running gags, well, into the ground — these youtube clips stopped being funny two videos ago. [YouTube]

Good News: The future is now! With CBS and Pepsi teaming up to save the print industry put a video ad inside the upcoming Fall TV Preview issue of Entertainment Weekly. Bad News: This incredibly cool sounding video ad will only be sent to subscribers in the New York and Los Angeles area. [B&C]

Good News: MELROSE PLACE books a Tatum! Bad News: Not Channing, rather his less talented no-name wife, dancer/actress (probably singer) hyphenate Jenna Dewan. [EW]

Question: For quite some time now you’ve been kind enough to provide your fellow TV Addicts with an incredibly useful calendar highlighting the month’s big TV events. Seriously, my cubicle at work is practically wallpapered with them and I really can’t thank you enough for your hard work. The only problem is that you totally dropped the ball when it came to August. Please explain yourself? — HookedonTVA
The TV Addict: Truthfully, the TV Addict was on strike. And by that I mean, if the networks aren’t going to bother to program quality television in August, I certainly am not going to take time away from my FREAKS AND GEEKS marathon busy schedule to help promote the return of MILLIONAIRE on ABC. Plus, between Comic Con, my much-deserved vacation and the Television Critics Association Press Tour, I simply ran out of time. That said — here in a nutshell is everything you need to know for August: MONK and PSYCH returned to USA on August 7, MAD MEN returns to AMC on August 16, PROJECT RUNWAY makes it’s Lifetime premiere on August 20, TOP CHEF returns to Bravo on August 19, while GREEK picks up exactly where it left off on ABC Family on August 31.

Question: GMMR has got me totally hooked on GREEK. Got any spoilers? — Cappietastic
The TV Addict: Are you sitting down? Because I’m about to drop an honest-to-goodness GREEK game-changer on you. A spoiler so big, it may-or-may-not rock Greek row forever. Ready for it? When the hit ABC Family series returns from hiatus on August 31 [Please take a moment to ensure that there are no spill-able liquids within your computer's proximity!] expect to see hear a proposal from a series regular.

Question: Loved your sneak peek at FRINGE’s second season premiere, but found myself wondering as to why it was completely William Bell free? — TheOtherSider
The TV Addict: Unfortunately, there is a very good reason that my little tease was completely William Bell free —because that’s exactly what the episode was. Leonard Nimoy was MIA. That said, FRINGE executive producer Jeff Pinkner did confirm at last week’s TCA panel for the show that Nimoy has already filmed one episode for season two and “is welcome back as much as he wants.”

Question: Since you missed the boat on an August TV Calendar, can you at least let us know when we can we expect to see one for September? With the new fall season just around the corner, it’s somewhat of a big deal, No?
The TV Addict: Does October work for you? But seriously folks, I assure you that I’m already strategizing ways in which I’ll be able to fit 423 season premieres on one page of 8.5 x 11″ paper. Stay tuned.

Question: As much as I’m loving the previews for V, I’m really hoping the new series won’t preclude Elizabeth Mitchell from returning to LOST. Heard anything as to when we can expect to see Juliet again? — JulietismyConstant
The TV Addict: Lucky for LOST fans, the producers of V are with you. And by ‘with you’ I mean huge fans of the the series as well. Which is why Mitchell was able to confirm at Saturday’s TCA panel for her new ABC series V that she will be heading back to Hawaii, possibly more than once. “I will be back on LOST,” teased the actress. “I can’t say whether I’m dead or not and as with all things on LOST, it will be fairly tricky.”

Question: Over the weekend, Nathan Fillion tweeted a first look at the Richard Castle manuscript for his upcoming thriller Heat Wave. I understand you were on the set. Got any scoop? — OhCaptainMyCaptainMal
The TV Addict: Taking a page from Richard Castle’s on-screen sleuthing abilities, your very own TV Addict did in fact use his spy camera iPhone to snag this exclusive photo (above) of Castle’s new book. Which, by the way will be hitting shelves on September 29th. Can’t wait that long? Click here to download the first chapter for free.

I couldn’t help but notice that you had the chance to catch FASTFORWARD over the weekend, is it all it’s cracked up to be? And more to the point, do we have ourselves a frontrunner for a LOST replacement come next season? — FFFanatic
The TV Addict: Indeed you do, and in more ways than one. Not only is the David S. Goyer  (Batman Begins, The Dark Knight) produced FLASHFORWARD a top notch production across the board. Like LOST, it offers up a ridiculously good looking cast (including Joseph Fiennes, Sonya Walger, John Cho among others) — who through glimpses into the future must piece together what happened to them after the world blacks our for 2 minutes and 17 seconds, characters you’ll very quickly become emotionally invested in, and most importantly, an ending that will have you wishing you could flash forward to next week’s episode. Not to mention, continued employment for LOST alum Dominic Monaghan, who will be joining the cast in what the actor promises to be a drastically different character than Charlie.

With FOX premiering THE CLEVELAND HOW, how long until the inevitable FAMILY GUY crossover? — FamilyGuyFan42
The TV Addict: Although the production team promises that they’re trying to keep the two shows somewhat separate, Seth MacFarlane did concede at last week’s TCA event highlighting THE CLEVELAND SHOW that, “the whole Brown family shows up on FAMILY GUY for an episode in the spring.” With co-creator Mike Henry adding that “Quagmire comes to town for a very relevant-to-the-story reason — and then he refers to something that happened in Quahog — so we see Peter. But I think that’s the only time.”

Question: I’m still reeling from the PRIVATE PRACTICE season finale. Please tell me Amy Brenneman’s Violet is going to be okay. — Patient31
The TV Addict: Not only was the former JUDGING AMY star alive and well on my recent set visit (interview coming soon), she tweets!

Well that about wraps it up folks for this edition of “Ask the Addict.” if you’ve got a question for the TV Addict, you can email me directly at ask@thetvaddict.com or follow me on twitter at twitter.com/thetvaddict.

Five lucky entrants will be picked at random and notified via email on July 6, 2009, so please be sure to enter with a valid email address. Not a winner? FAMILY GUY: VOLUME SEVEN is now available on Amazon for only $25.99.

In a nutshell, FAMILY GUY’s iPhone App gives Stewie Griffin addicts the ability to watch clips (optimized for WiFi, but also works on 3G), toss Peter, create a Stewie pin-up and mix your own FAMILY GUY video mashup.

What Works: Updated with a fresh crop of surprisingly lengthy video clips on a daily basis (or at least since the day this App was purchased, which for the record was Friday June 20, 2009) FAMILY GUY’s iPhone App has been a surprisingly good tool in this TV Addict’s continued effort to procrastinate from doing actual work. And, since FAMILY GUY episodes at their best, are essentially uneven mixes of pop culture references, sight gags, and random bursts of violent (albeit hilarious) physical humor stitched together around a very loose and usually pointless plot, the App’s ability to play clip after clip of some of the show’s most memorable moments provides for some surprisingly solid breaks from the real world.

What Doesn’t: In short, the rest of the App. Sure clips are great, but the reality is that the FAMILY GUY App is nothing more than a glorified advertisement for the show. Which normally we’d be fine with, except that at $1.99 this app quickly goes from its “freakin’ sweet” tag-line, to “are you freakin’ kidding me that I just spent $1.99 to be advertised to!” Not only are the incessant reminders that come at the end of EVERY SINGLE video clip that “Full episodes of FAMILY GUY are available on iTunes” completely reduntant and unnecessary after the fifth or sixth time, really, message received. The so-called ‘games’ which allows for users to ‘flick’ Peter around the screen or dress Stewie in different outfits hold about five seconds of entertainment value. Which is about two more seconds than the App’s other big feature which gives users the ability to create their very own FAMILY GUY mix, which may-or-may-not be posted on familyguy.com, where FOX will undoubtedly reap the benefit of more money via the ad revenue that comes with page-views.

The Bottom Line: If this App were free we wouldn’t be complaining. But since the only one who is laughing here is FOX… all the way to the bank, we would like to suggest something that may smooth things over. Why not include a free episode of FAMILY GUY that is updated weekly within the App? Heck, include commercials if you must. But if you ask us, there is nothing freakin’ sweet about leaving your most dedicated and passionate fans feeling freakin’ ripped off.

FAMILY GUY is available on iTunes for $1.99.

THE SIMPSONS (8PM FOX)
After swarms of unemployed workers from Ogdenville descend on Springfield, the mayor closes the borders and citizen Homer goes on border patrol. Which, as any SIMPSONS fans will tell you, means you should expect power to go to Homer’s head by… what, the eleven minute mark?

FAMILY GUY (9PM FOX)
Now far be it from us to suggest yet another alterna-”mother” theory, but is anyone else the least bit suspicious that all three male stars of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER (Jason Segel, Neil Patrick Harris and Josh Radnor) are providing cameos on tonight’s FAMILY GUY season finale? Think about it.

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (9PM ABC, CTV in Canada)
Good News: After a five year flash-forward and 22 episodes of waiting, Dave’s endgame finally comes to a close. Bad News: For Susan and MJ.

NEW & NOTABLE:
OUTBREAK (7PM AMC)
Just in time for the hysteria surrounding Swine Flu to have died down comes a film about a scientific team trying to stamp out a killer virus in a small California town. Good timing AMC, really, well done.

EXTREME MAKEOVER: HE (8PM ABC, E! in Canada)
After a single dad and three boys get their home re-built by the NBA’s Indiana Pacers. We ponder, as we do every Sunday, just how bad we would be willing to have it in order to get our very own Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I mean seriously, have you seen those houses?

SURVIVOR: TOCANTINS (8PM CBS, Global in Canada)
The tribe speaks for the last time, awarding one lucky Survivor 1 million dollars. (Editor’s note: Just how evident is it that we haven’t watched this show since Africa?)

LAW & ORDER: CI (9PM USA)
WEST WING Alum Alert: Janel Moloney guest stars.

IN PLAIN SIGHT (10PM USA)
WEST WING Alum Alert Part II: An orthodox Jewish witness (not played by Richard Schiff!) realizes he’s being followed by a strange man (played by Richard Schiff). Betcha didn’t see that one coming!

FAMILY GUY (9PM FOX, Global in Canada)
Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for FAMILY GUY, which in only their eighth season, really has no excuse for tonight’s Stephen King inspired tale. That said, since Seth MacFarlane and Co. are skewering three of our all-time favorite movies — Stand By Me, Misery and The Shawshank Redemption — we’re gonna go ahead and give them a pass on this one.

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (9PM ABC, CTV in Canada)
The word on Wisteria Lane is “Deception,” with tonight’s installment having Bree lying to Orson, Katherine lying to Mike, Susan and Jackson lying to the authorities and Tom lying about his age.

BROTHERS & SISTERS (10PM ABC, Global in Canada)
Swine Flu be damned! Or at least that is what Nora Walker must be thinking when she heads down to Mexico to knock some sense into Tommy in tonight’s BROTHERS & SISTERS third season finale.

NEW & NOTABLE:
FROM THE TOP AT CARNEGIE HALL (10:30PM PBS)
Wondering what you could have accomplished if you weren’t blessed cursed with an incurable addiction to television? Meet 12-year-old violinist Anna Lee, 11-year-old pianist Alice Bural and 13-year-old cellist Taeguk Mun. Three talented youngsters who probably watch less TV than you or I. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!