The TV Addict 

Wonder if ABC is kicking itself for having wasted their remaining episode of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES to try and lure viewers — much as Bree used son Andrew — to CASHMERE MAFIA. Had it worked, they’d be called brilliant, but as the ratings proved, even strike-deprived TV fans had little interest in Darren Star’s attempt to beat SEX AND THE CITY author Candace Bushnell to the punch. How bad were the numbers? Let’s just say that the second hour of AMERICAN GLADIATORS took a hit out on the MAFIA gals.

I was wildly uncomfortable with the whole “Bree pimps her son to an older guy” storyline on DH… which means it was wildly successful. Let’s face it… a good, adult-skewed dramedy should, on occasion, make us squirm. And that sure wasn’t going to happen with the ridiculous “Lynette has an epiphany” crap. Although I have to say, Felicity Huffman can make just about anything work. When Lynette was running around that field with Ida’s ashes, how radiant was Huffman? Given the opening sequence in which Edie clasped Karen’s hand, wouldn’t it have been nice if she’d played into that storyline, too? What the hell does Nicollette Sheridan have to do to get a storyline?

Now onto MAFIA: Only a show created by a man (Darren Star) and written by another man (Kevin Wade) could think it was a good idea to have the first five minutes feature Lucy Liu as a girlie-girl. Within the first 10 minutes, this show shoved every stereotype and cliche down our throats, and tried washing it down with a plot that was beyond predictable. How bad was it? The nanny quit, one of the ladies actually said “It’s 2007, she can have it all!”, the newly engaged couple were made competitors, a teen walked in on her mom having sex and there was a “woman with a penis” joke. We’re talking first 10 minutes, kids. And of course, what would a male-conceived show centering on women be without a beautiful gal questioning her sexuality (with her first kiss set, of course, to the tune “You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman”)? And should any of my real-life friends be reading this, a note: If you’re going to tell me that the person I love is cheating, doing so right before the party at which I’m going to be honored is definitely not the right moment. Of course, it all ends with hoisted champagne glasses and a round of “I don’t know what I’d do without you girls.” Were this all even mildly amusing or compelling, these flaws might be forgiveable. Sadly, it’s not. The cast is uniformly excellent and luminous (particularly Miranda Otto’s Juliet, who is sheer perfection as the icy, cheated-upon wife who vows revenge)… too bad nobody thought to give them a script equally sparkly. The last line is, “This is going to be fun,” but I can’t say I’ll be sticking around to find out if that proves true in future episodes. Hopefully, LIPSTICK JUNGLE will show the MAFIA chicks how it’s really done.

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I’m just going to say it. This TV Addict enjoyed CASHMERE MAFIA.

Admittedly, my judgement may be suffering from the likes of “Rerun-itis” or the lesser known “WGA Strike Syndrome,” but creator Darren Star’s not-so-subtle attempt to recapture that SEX IN THE CITY magic worked for me. The all-star cast was incredibly likable and the story-lines were interesting and well-paiced. In fact, this TV Addict’s only issue with the episode occurred during the show’s finale moments when frienemy Priscilla Gray confronted the girls and stated, “The Cashmere Mafia, that’s what they call you, you know.” Oh good, because up until that clarification, audiences didn’t make the connection between our 4 heroines and show’s title. Memo to ABC, we’re not stupid.

Further evidence the TV Addict’s judgement may be suffering: I enjoyed DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. Susan for once wasn’t annoying (to Teri Hatcher’s credit, she’s far more likable sans the deadweight that’s become known as Mike Delfino). Bree was hilarious as she tried to pimp out Andrew for a new roof (Oh the things one will do for a a 60″ HD TV. Believe me, I’ve been there!) And Lynette and Gaby’s story-lines were genuinely touching (Anyone else think that Gaby is secretly hiding Carlos’ 10 million dollars?) My only complaint — would it have killed creator Marc Cherry to give us a tiny clue — a word even — as to what Adam and Dylan read that made their eyes almost pop out of their sockets? Who knows how long it will be until we get the next new episode of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES?

Agree/Disagree, You be the critic.

Having just sat through a double-dose of BROTHERS & SISTERS, I’m left wondering if anyone else thinks the show should is totally dancing around the obvious attraction between Justin and Rebecca. Yup, they share a dad, but they’re also the hottest couple this show has.But why do they have such a tough time writing for Balthazar Getty’s Tommy? Despite his wife being artificially inseminated by his brother, one of the resulting children dying, her packing up and leaving and his drifting into an affair with new-plot-device-in-town Lena, Tommy is still the most underdeveloped of the Walker clan. And I’d also like to see more done with Patricia Wettig’s Holly and her uneasy frienemy status with Nora. Speaking of whom, I’m sure that moment when Nora locked the door to prevent Justin from leaving was supposed to be powerful, but all I could think was how much better KNOTS LANDING, of all shows, did with a similar story. I’ll never, ever forget glamourpuss Abby Fairgate Cunningham Ewing demanded pothead daughter Olivia hand over her keys. “What are you going to do? Lock me our?” To which Abby replied, “No, I’m locking you in. With me.” And in that single moment, a character who’d often been wildly over the top was brought crashing down to earth with the rest of us mortals. Yeah, that was a detox I’ll never forget, as opposed to Justin’s instacure. Which I suppose points out one of my major problems with this show: It’s determination to rush every story to the point where things fly at us faster than we can possibly connect on an emotional level.

SAMANTHA WHO? continues to be a fav in my home. This week’s episode was probably the weakest of the season, and yet it was still better than any other sitcom on television. This year’s Emmy voters are going to have a tough task ahead of them. Why? Because surely even that group, notoriously blind to actual talent as they historically are (just ask fans of BUFFY, GILMORE, BATTLESTAR…) will have a tough time ignoring some of the great performances being offered up this season. Topping my list at the moment? Jean Smart.

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Hey, TV Addict, are you listening? I’ve got an early contender for next week’s collection of quotes. Because when Bree Van De Kamp Hodge quipped, “Of all the gay men in the world, we have to get the two without taste”, I was on the floor. This show has gotten better and better this season, and Dana Delany — aka “Our new queen, Katherine of Arrogant” — has never been better than she is here. Yes, this season’s mystery has been slow to unfold, but it works because unlike the Applewhite clan, the Mayfair family has been beautifully woven into the existing canvas. It was a nice touch having Gabby’s literal boytoy, John, be the one to help Carlos see the error of his ways. (It’s always nice to see Jesse Metcalfe, who just keeps getting hotter — if no better an actor — with age.) Best of all, with not one but two nice little surprises at the end — one involving Edie, the other Katherine and the new guys on the block — DH continues to prove it knows how to tell the kind of stories its daytime counterparts couldn’t tell if they tried.

I’m a little behind in my viewing, so bear with me. Let’s start with GREY’S ANATOMY, which finally, finally got its mojo back this week. How better to kick off Halloween week (what? You limit your celebrations to a single night?) than with chainsawed limbs, the spilled cremated remains of a loved one and the potentially frightful new duo of Yang and Torres? I’m still wanting to see George and Izzy suffer the consequences of their adulterous affair, and I’m annoyed that even Bailey has jumped on the “you’re not a bad guy, George” bandwagon (’cause, um, yeah, he kinda is). But it was nice to see Callie smile and laugh and do something other than stand around like some kind of target for Mopey Meredith and company to throw abuse at.

I understand exactly how DIRTY SEXY MONEY’s Tripp Darling feels where spoiled twins Juliet and Jeremy are concerned, because it’s exactly the same as how I feel toward this show. It’s got all the advantages — a good time slot, excellent cast — and yet regularly fails to make the most of them. I mean, come on, when Jeremy was standing on the bridge singing “All By Myself”, who didn’t want Juliet to prove him wrong by turning his self-indulgent soliloquy into a dynamic duet? (And am I alone in thinking that Samaire Armstrong is horribly miscast? And that, in fact, Tamara Feldman should be playing Jeremy’s twin rather than his lover?) I’m very much in like with this show, but could so easily be convinced it’s love if it would just try a little bit harder.

The masquerade episode of GOSSIP GIRL was its best offering yet. Maybe it’s just that I’m a sucker for any plot featuring a masked guy kissing the wrong girl.

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Finally, BROTHERS & SISTERS was back on track with last night’s fantabulous episode. I’m intrigued by Saul’s ambiguous sexuality, and loved every second of the Walker women’s spa trip. Between being unable to shut up in the resort’s relaxation room and crashing the wedding, this was classic B&S. Best line of the night? Determined-to-get-laid Sarah’s frustrated declaration, “We’re being lock-blocked!” upon finding her hotel room door wouldn’t cooperate. I still think the show’s making a mistake in getting rid of John Pyper-Ferguson’s Joe rather than exploring not only the dynamics of this troubled marriage but Rebecca’s true role in what happened, but I know I’m pretty much alone in that. And I’d really like to see Patricia Wettig’s delightfully prickly Holly put to better use. But when an episode is as satisfying as last night’s, these are pretty minor quibbles.

This has been a killer season for DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, but they may have hit a bit of a bumpy patch last night. I’m a huge fan of Tuc Watkins, the brunette half of the neighborhood’s first gay couple. So I was sorry to see that the relatively bland Kevin Rham got the lion’s share of the spotlight during the pair’s first episode. Susan was particularly annoying, but that didn’t make it any easier to swallow how snarky and downright nasty Rham’s Lee was to her. Elsewhere, however, the show continued to sparkle. The crab cake sequence was a well-directed treat, and Lynette’s realization that she’d transformed into “cancer bitch” was one of the moments this show does so well, perfectly combining heartbreak and humor.

I had every intention of catching VIVA LAUGHLIN, but since football ran over and threw the whole night’s schedule off, my DVR cut off at least 10 or 15 minutes. I’ll be interested to see how this show does ratings wise, because from the bits and pieces I’ve caught, it’s an interesting — if flawed — concept.

Don’t forget to tune in for SAMANTHA WHO? tonight… if the second episode is even half as entertaining as the pilot, you’ll be in for a treat. Christina Applegate is radiant and the writing sparkles. It’s hard to imagine anyone who catches an episode not remembering to make this memory-addled beauty a keeper.

Anybody else wildly disappointed by the always-anticipated makeover episode of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL? The only girl who even teared up a little bit about her new look was Bianca — who traded her purple weave for a nearly-shaved head — and she actually looked fierce! When Mr. Jay said that Victoria over-analyzed every pose, it was obvious why she had to go: Smart girls can’t model! See, some stereotypes actually are true!

I’ve decided to save a whole heck of a lot of time where THE BACHELOR is concerned by fast-forwarding through the show to only watch the overheated “coming up!” segments they do before each commercial break. I mean, if it’s worth seeing, it’s obviously going to be included, right? Then again, it is kinda fun to watch the more ridiculous moments, like Hillary telling the camera that she wants to be the first girl to get a kiss from Brad so she can rub it in the face of her rivals… completely unaware that Jenni napped that honor last week. But the best moment was when Mccarten explained her philosophy: “I’m I’m myself, whether it’s with me and you or whether it’s me by myself, at least I know I was myself, and at least I know that that’s what you saw was me.” Making it super-duper funny was the fact that she made this speech to Bachelor Brad’s twin brother, Chad… who isn’t so much a double as a kinda-looks-like-but-hotter version of the man of the hour. Most of the girls seemed not to notice the switch, but it was DeAnna who summed the situation up best (and blew about a billion soap opera plots out of the water) by saying, “I think when you’re dating someone and their twin brother walks in, you should notice that you’re not sitting next to the person that you think you have a great connection with!”

Only two episodes remain in the first season of DAMAGES, and as much as I’d love to tell everyone who’s not watching that they should make sure to tune in, I’m not going to. Why? Because this show is too damn good to try and jump into midstream. When this show hits DVD, run, don’t walk, to the nearest outlet selling it and get yourself a copy. This has proven to be, hands down, the best show of this or any recent television season. Of course, I could be speaking prematurely, because the past episode or two have led me to believe that one of the big plots is about to go in a direction I don’t love. I won’t say anything more, because I’d love nothing more than for people who watch this in reruns or buy the DVD to go in as blind as I did. I refuse to even watch scenes for next week, because I enjoy letting even the beautifully executed little moments catch me off guard.

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Luckily enough for this TV Addict, tonight’s season premiere of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES once again continued the show’s trend of hilarious highs [Bree’s fake pregnancy comes to mind] and incredibly tedious lows [Susan’s pregnant! Groan!]

With that in mind, we at theTVaddict.com present the first ever [and super snazzy] DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Entertainment Index. Agree? Disagree? Post away in the comments below.

[1] We waited all summer to learn that Edie really wasn’t dead. Shocking and not at all predictable!

[2] Susan to Mike have their first love quarrel when Susan asks Mike, “Are you Happy?” Sensing it’s going to be a long season.

[3] Tom Scavo can’t be bothered to get out of bed and help his cancer ridden wife Lynette find her wig. Worst husband ever.

[4] Nathan Fillion makes his highly anticipated first appearance.

[5] Bree and Orson go shopping. Shameless and not-at-all subtle Macy’s product placement.

[6] Nathan Fillion appears again. R.I.P. FIREFLY.

[7] Susan Meyer is getting old and may be going through Menopause. Alert the Emmy Committee.

[8] Ms. McClusky wonders aloud why Dana Delany disappeared from Wisteria Lane all those years ago. Fans wonder, nay pray, that Delany’s story-line will be more entertaining than Alfrie Woodards.

[9] Turns out Susan really is pregnant. Nathan Fillion — Worst gynecologist ever.

[10] Final voiceover. Dana Delany asks “Did we make a mistake coming back to Wisteria Lane…” Umm, you know what they say, if you have to ask…

In a recent interview with the MTV Movies Blog, VERONICA MARS herself, Kristen Bell pretty much put to rest a possible MARS movie saying, “There’s [rumored] talk of a movie one day. Maybe. Who knows? [But] we haven’t even discussed it.” To that I say, thank you Mrs. Bell for providing the TV Addict with some much needed closure. Between a SERENITY sequel, X-FILES and ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT, I can only spend so much time hoping my favorite TV shows find an afterlife on the big screen.

According to THE SUN, DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES star Andrea Bowen will be getting herself a new onscreen boyfriend when the show returns this fall. You know what Bowen, who plays Teri Hatcher’s daughter Julie could use instead of a boyfriend? Some acting lessons. Rory Gilmore she ain’t.

Today’s least surprising piece of news — the incomprehensible disaster of series known as JOHN FROM CINCINNATI has been officially cancelled. No word on how HBO’s going to make amends for wasting ten hours of our lives. But they can start by delivering on those promised DEADWOOD movies.

While theTVaddict.com isn’t one to toot our own horn. The Hollywood Reporter is, not surprisingly reporting that ABC has yet again yanked THE NINE off its schedule. Okay we’ll say it… we told you so!

Dear Nathan Fillion,

If we’re to believe this morning’s Hollywood Reporter, rumour has it that you’re contemplating joining the cast of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES as a series regular this upcoming season.

If this is true, we have three words for you, “Don’t do it!”

Look, we get it. After the quick cancellation of DRIVE and FIREFLY you’re probably well, desperate for a gig that is guaranteed to last more than thirteen episodes. But if you move to Wisteria Lane, the only thing that waits for you [aside from one really big paycheck] is an entire season of playing second banana. Men on DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES never get anything good to do and frankly are only around to make the women’s lives seem more interesting. Do you really want to spend a year playing Teri Hatcher’s love interest?

We all know Captain Mal deserves better, here’s hoping you feel the same.

Sincerely,

Your loyal Fan,

the TV Addict

TVGuide is reporting that Dana Delany is set to join the cast of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (possibly as Bree’s long-lost sister Katherine). The question of course remains, did this news really warrant an email alert from TVGuide’s PR department notifying us to Ausiello’s scoop? The answer of course is no.

This would have been big news two seasons ago, you know, when DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES was good. But after two years of mediocrity, trying to excite fans by welcoming Dana Delany seems well, somewhat desperate.

Yes, we realize it’s been widely reported that Dana Delany turned down the original role of Bree three times before Marcia Cross was finally offered it. But the reality is, Delany is moving to Wisteria Lane three seasons too late and this casting notice does nothing except scream ‘jump the shark’.

In fact, we compare it to an actor joining BEVERLY HILLS 90210 in season eight [assuming we could remember any of their names…] or Jane returning yet again to MELROSE PLACE.

Does creator Marc Cherry not have the internet? Has he bothered to check out Delany’s imdb profile. Is he really willing to put his HOUSEWIVES on the line for Dana Delany? Talk about a show killer. KIDNAPPED, PASEDENA, PRESEDIO MED — Delany’s pretty much the female counterpart to Tim Daly.

Agree, Disagree, post away with your thoughts. Does DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES still excite you? Or is it one of those shows you simply watch out of habit?