The TV Addict 

While the Walker Family and the women of Wisteria Lane are no stranger to serious lapses in judgment. It’s quite possible that Sunday’s installments of both BROTHERS & SISTERS and DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES featured two characters reaching an all time low. So much so that theTVaddict.com went as far as to create a new feature that we like to call, “Vote For the Stupidest!” Also known as, Vote for the fictional TV character who made Paris Hilton look like a Rhodes Scholar.

In this corner, weighing in at approximately 98 pounds is BROTHERS & SISTERS’ Kitty Walker. Who having apparently never sat through a Walker family dinner herself, thought it would be a ’smart’ idea to invite her entire extended family over for a ’show the adoption agency how normal we are’ dinner.

Versus, DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES’ Lynette Scavo. Who in a desperate [get it?!] attempt to get closer to her son Porter decided to create a fake profile on Wisteria Lane’s version of Facebook. Only to have it blow up in her face entirely, humiliate Porter and worst of all, endure a well-deserved verbal smack-down from Tom who suggested Lynette break-up with Porter by writing, “Dear Porter, I’m really liking you, but I wanna see other offspring.”

Vote for the stupidest in the comments below.

After spending all summer hearing about a twist so huge it would be like “throwing a pebble on a mountain, only to have it turn into an avalanche that can’t be stopped.” This TV Addict couldn’t help but feel slightly let down by last night’s supposedly shocking ending to DEXTER’s third season opener. I mean seriously, Dexter is a daddy? Isn’t that type of predictable plot contrivance usually reserved for DEXTER’s time-slot competitor DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES?

Which bring us to the ladies of Wisteria Lane. Who in a word, I LOVED! As expected. the five year flash forward was the exact ingredient DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES needed to completely reinvigorate the show. Not only do we now get to spend an hour a week filling in the blanks as to what happened to our fab five over the course of the past five years, we get an even funnier Gabby, a far less annoying Susan, a vindictive Edie, the seemingly never-ending one-upmanship of Bree vs. Katherine and the ups and downs that is the Scavo Family.

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For all its flaws, BROTHERS & SISTERS knows how to play the emotional beats of a story. When Kevin walked into the living room to see that his mom had not only ignored his “no flowers” edict but transformed the room into a virtual greenhouse, it was both predictable and charming. “Tonight, Kevin, you don’t get to be guarded or cynical,” she told him, barely holding back her tears. And it was interesting to get the perspective of older, newly-out Saul, who called his nephew’s commitment ceremony “one of the bravest things” he’d ever seen. It’s an interesting commentary on how far network television has come in a relatively short period of time that Kevin’s big day was not given the sort of “blink-and-you’ll-miss-it” treatment that it might have received only a decade or two again. (Think DYNASTY’s sexually confused Steven or MELROSE PLACE’s perpetual also-ran, Matt). Frankly, it’s kinda surprising to me that this show got “the gay story” so right and yet completely blew the Justin/Rebecca situation. I can’t help thinking that the ickiness of their relationship might not have been so jarring had they show done what I’ve been begging them to do for ages and slowed down. Not every story has to unfold in two episodes. that episode-ending kiss may have been a little easier to accept had viewers had the summer hiatus to adjust to the idea. Instead, it was too much, too soon. Meanwhile, did anyone else half expect Robert and Kitty to announce they’d be adopting Rebecca? And I’ll make an early prediction right now: Next season, the Walker clan will discover that their mysterious new sibling is… Ryan Atwood, a troubled kid from the O.C.! Oh, and a note to the ABC promo department: A new family member and a kiss everyone saw coming a mile away do not constitute “the jaw-dropping cliffhanger of the year.”

I have to admit that I skipped out on the first two hours of last night’s SURVIVOR fest. As exciting as this season has been, I found that I didn’t really care which of the four gals walked away a winner. I did, however, tune in for the reunion special, which is always a blast. Did someone forget to tell Jeff Probst when it was going to be? Is that why he showed up looking as if he hadn’t washed his hair for a week? That said, he’s such a pro and always knows exactly what questions to ask. He talks about the things we the viewers want to dish about, unlike a certain Chenbot whose BIG BROTHER interviews are just notoriously awful.

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Afford me a moment of clarity: A woman who slept with a married man while also sleeping with another lover and then assumed — and, more importantly, allowed everyone else to assume — that her child belonged to the wealthier of the two somehow reacts to her daughter finally learning the facts of (her) life by kicking her out? What in the world has BROTHERS & SISTERS done to Holly Harper? Granted, she was never the most moral of women, but now, she’s been turned into a lying slut with a persecution complex! Worse, Holly then swooped in and basically took over the Walker family biz before anyone could find out about the fraud she’d perpetrated upon them via her daughter. Frankly, Rebecca should run as far from this dynasty of dysfunctional drunks (and take Scotty with her). I mean, Justin reacts to finding out that she’s not his sister by going off on the poor girl? This show frustrates me like no other… I love the actors, love the fun aspects, but when it comes to storylines it is as unsatisfactory as sex with a blow-up doll. Um, from what I hear.

I have so many mixed feeligns where this weeks GOSSIP GIRL installment is concerned. Plot wise? Great episode with a lot of fun stuff going on. Man, are they making great use of Georgina. But here’s where I get slightly disturbed: I get that in the end, GG sent a very nice message by having Serena and, eventually, Lily accept Eric’s homosexuality, having Asher toss around words like “queer” and “faggot” was a little unsettling for a show aimed at a teen audience. It might have felt different had we seen the self-loathing Asher brought down, but the social humiliation fell on the shoulders of his “hag”, Jenny. Meanwhile, what the hell has happened to Chuck? Remember when he was our nefarious nasty? These days, he’s Eric’s off-screen confidante and a background player. And why no Nate and Vanessa? Would it have killed the show to have them show up at — and utter a few lines during — Asher’s party?

Another week, another subpar DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. If the networks want to know why their shows aren’t doing so well, they might want to consider the fact that despite the fact that shows have fewer episodes (thanks to the strike) and we were told a heck of a lot of story would be crammed into them, what we’re actually getting feel like filler. Quick, name a major plot-point from this weeks DH. Were there some snappy lines? Sure. (Thank God for Gaby.) But most of the episode revolved around Kayla’s bad girl act (a retread of the routine she pulled upon first arriving), Susan’s trying to impress her ex-husband (yawn) and Bree refusing to forgive Orson. But again, and you’ll notice this is a recurring theme with me: Do we need yet another recurring regular (Gaby’s housemate) when so many interesting ones exist but are never used? Where is Bree’s son, Andrew? How about Susan’s nephew, Tim? Or maybe Rick, whose restaurant Lynette’s boys burned down? Why is Tuc Watkins (gay nabe Bob), one of the funniest actors to come out of daytime (where he plays ONE LIFE TO LIVE’s David) being completely wasted? Maybe it’s my completion issues, but it annoys me when shows introduce us to characters and then let them sit there doing nothing.

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Since this TV Addict turned REEL Addict for the night by catching a 7:15PM showing of IRON MAN [click here for review], I leave it up to you, my fellow TV Addicts. Did BROTHERS & SISTERS up the Justing/Rebecca creep factor? Did Lynette institutionalize her two fire-starters on DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES? Is anyone watching the soon-to-be-brilliant-but-cancelled ALIENS IN AMERICA? Post away with your comments below.

Normally, I ask y’all not to judge me. But today… yeah, feel free. Because I’m gonna admit that last night, I watched FARMER WANTS A WIFE. Not that I’ll be making that mistake again. Where the heck do they find these people? From the kinda creepy titular farmer, Matt, to the ladies competing to play hen to his rooster, this show was a mess. And not the kind that comes with the word “hot” before it. Of course, several of the women are virgins, because that’s the new thing on reality. (When even PARADISE HOTEL 2 landed one, virginity officially became a reality trend.) And what are we to make of Josie, the republican who declares that she wants to live on a farm so she can ride horses and attend polo matches, because “a farmer’s wife doesn’t work. She has people who work for her.” If there’s one thing the women — save Brooke, who actually, heaven help her, seems like a nice gal — have in common, it is that they believe “big city” guys are losers. Hello, pot? This is kettle. I will, however, give the show credit for having one of the most unusual elimination ceremonies in the history of reality television: Each girl had to pick up a live chicken to see if it was sitting on an egg, with the egg-free lass being sent back to the city. I couldn’t make this crap up if I tried. Given that the first episode ended with Farmer Matt sending Stephanie packing instead of the idiotic Josie, who is obviously there to create drama and wouldn’t accept if this guy proposed anyway, tells you everything you need to know. Obviously, producers had more to say about the outcome than the farmer, so having the entire thing come down to the laying of an egg is wildly appropriate.

Anybody else think BROTHERS & SISTERS moved way too fast with Kitty and Robert? Why the heck are they suddenly all about having a baby? Haven’t they been married for, like, three minutes? Meanwhile, the whole Rebecca/Justin thing is just playing kinda creepy. Yes, we suspected for a while — and now know — that she wasn’t a Walker. (First clue: She doesn’t drink nearly enough.) But Justin doesn’t know that, so he needs to stop leering at his supposed sister! And it was nice to have Scotty refuse to be patronized to by or settle for Kevin’s offer that they become domestic (or, as one of the Walker boys put it, “domesticated”) partners. More and more, I’m realizing that I watch this show more for the dialogue and acting than the storylines. In fact, I tend to watch it DESPITE the storylines. Am I alone in that?

SURVIVOR has been on fire this season, and in recent weeks, it’s been entirely about the hidden immunity idol. First, Ozzy found the real one, replaced it with a fake and used it to great advantage before being blindsided. Then Jason found the next hidden idol, failed to play it and was blindsided in exactly the same manner! It’s been a while since I’ve been this into SURVIVOR, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

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Not only did this TV Addict not make it home in time to catch the return of my favorite fictional BROTHERS & SISTERS, I woke up early this morning only to discover that GlobalTV [the Canadian Network that simulcasts the show] had hijacked the ABC HD feed and worse still, didn’t even bother broadcasting the show in high definition. Something which by the way I pay big bucks for. Needless to say, Global TV should expect an angry email in their inbox this morning [because that will show ‘em!]

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The TV Addict knows a good idea when he see it. Which is why I’m taking a page from the CW’s controversial GOSSIP GIRL ad campaign to present my very-own edition of THIS WEEK IN TV: OMFG Edition!

Teri Hatcher gets desperate for attention is exactly the type of catchy headline I’d use if it wasn’t for such a good cause. But since Hatcher headlining ‘Band From TV’ on Wednesday’s IDOL GIVES BACK benefited six incredibly worthy charities, I’ll just say this. Teri, don’t quit your day job.

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Wonder if ABC is kicking itself for having wasted their remaining episode of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES to try and lure viewers — much as Bree used son Andrew — to CASHMERE MAFIA. Had it worked, they’d be called brilliant, but as the ratings proved, even strike-deprived TV fans had little interest in Darren Star’s attempt to beat SEX AND THE CITY author Candace Bushnell to the punch. How bad were the numbers? Let’s just say that the second hour of AMERICAN GLADIATORS took a hit out on the MAFIA gals.

I was wildly uncomfortable with the whole “Bree pimps her son to an older guy” storyline on DH… which means it was wildly successful. Let’s face it… a good, adult-skewed dramedy should, on occasion, make us squirm. And that sure wasn’t going to happen with the ridiculous “Lynette has an epiphany” crap. Although I have to say, Felicity Huffman can make just about anything work. When Lynette was running around that field with Ida’s ashes, how radiant was Huffman? Given the opening sequence in which Edie clasped Karen’s hand, wouldn’t it have been nice if she’d played into that storyline, too? What the hell does Nicollette Sheridan have to do to get a storyline?

Now onto MAFIA: Only a show created by a man (Darren Star) and written by another man (Kevin Wade) could think it was a good idea to have the first five minutes feature Lucy Liu as a girlie-girl. Within the first 10 minutes, this show shoved every stereotype and cliche down our throats, and tried washing it down with a plot that was beyond predictable. How bad was it? The nanny quit, one of the ladies actually said “It’s 2007, she can have it all!”, the newly engaged couple were made competitors, a teen walked in on her mom having sex and there was a “woman with a penis” joke. We’re talking first 10 minutes, kids. And of course, what would a male-conceived show centering on women be without a beautiful gal questioning her sexuality (with her first kiss set, of course, to the tune “You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman”)? And should any of my real-life friends be reading this, a note: If you’re going to tell me that the person I love is cheating, doing so right before the party at which I’m going to be honored is definitely not the right moment. Of course, it all ends with hoisted champagne glasses and a round of “I don’t know what I’d do without you girls.” Were this all even mildly amusing or compelling, these flaws might be forgiveable. Sadly, it’s not. The cast is uniformly excellent and luminous (particularly Miranda Otto’s Juliet, who is sheer perfection as the icy, cheated-upon wife who vows revenge)… too bad nobody thought to give them a script equally sparkly. The last line is, “This is going to be fun,” but I can’t say I’ll be sticking around to find out if that proves true in future episodes. Hopefully, LIPSTICK JUNGLE will show the MAFIA chicks how it’s really done.

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I’m just going to say it. This TV Addict enjoyed CASHMERE MAFIA.

Admittedly, my judgement may be suffering from the likes of “Rerun-itis” or the lesser known “WGA Strike Syndrome,” but creator Darren Star’s not-so-subtle attempt to recapture that SEX IN THE CITY magic worked for me. The all-star cast was incredibly likable and the story-lines were interesting and well-paiced. In fact, this TV Addict’s only issue with the episode occurred during the show’s finale moments when frienemy Priscilla Gray confronted the girls and stated, “The Cashmere Mafia, that’s what they call you, you know.” Oh good, because up until that clarification, audiences didn’t make the connection between our 4 heroines and show’s title. Memo to ABC, we’re not stupid.

Further evidence the TV Addict’s judgement may be suffering: I enjoyed DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. Susan for once wasn’t annoying (to Teri Hatcher’s credit, she’s far more likable sans the deadweight that’s become known as Mike Delfino). Bree was hilarious as she tried to pimp out Andrew for a new roof (Oh the things one will do for a a 60″ HD TV. Believe me, I’ve been there!) And Lynette and Gaby’s story-lines were genuinely touching (Anyone else think that Gaby is secretly hiding Carlos’ 10 million dollars?) My only complaint — would it have killed creator Marc Cherry to give us a tiny clue — a word even — as to what Adam and Dylan read that made their eyes almost pop out of their sockets? Who knows how long it will be until we get the next new episode of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES?

Agree/Disagree, You be the critic.