The TV Addict 

While soap fans were thrilled by NBC’s recent decision to renew DAYS OF OUR LIVES, their excitement was tempered by reports that the soap’s extension would come with a major caveat in the form of massive budget cuts. Now, it appears that the first — and perhaps fatal — cuts will be the deepest, as the show’s most popular couple, Drake Hogestyn and Deidre Hall (who play supercouple John and Marlena) have been let go.

In some corners, this news has been met with the skepticism one might expect given that both actors have been “fired” from the show before in highly touted publicity moves. No DAYS fan needs — or particularly wants — to be reminded of the 2003 storyline in which Marlena was “killed off” after being revealed as the serial killer doing away with her friends and neighbors. Or last year’s tale in which John was “killed off” only to rise from his premature grave a few months later.

The problem is that for fans, this is a lose/lose scenario. If the show — already struggling in the ratings thanks to an endless series of lackluster plots — has really gotten rid of Hogestyn and Hall, it may prove to be a crippling blow. And if this is yet another publicity stunt, fed-up fans may not stick around to see how it unfolds. Given the sad state of daytime affairs, this may not be the best time for so drastic a move.

I sincerely hope some media watchdog group out there analyzes Tuesday night’s extensive coverage of the primary results and offers up a report on how often networks (including MSNBC and Fox News) prematurely called elections which wound up going to someone other than the candidate they predicted. Personally, I believe there should be a moratorium on all election result coverage until after every polling place has closed. While I realize this would mean that, God forbid, people actually have to wait for accurate, full results, I can’t help wondering how many people who have not yet gone to their polling center see that a candidate has already won (”… with five percent of the vote counted”) and opt not to vote.

Okay, on to less important topics. Like ONE TREE HILL. Holy crap, this show gets better by the week. And remember, this is coming from someone who tried and tried to even tolerate it before the four-year fast-forward. The scenes between Skills and Jamie alone were worth the price of admission. Throw in the Peyton/Bitchtoria battle, the wonderfully awkward dinner, Peyton literally throwing the book at Lucas and that adorable girl who serves as Brooke’s assistant and this was soapy fun at its finest. My own quibbles (and come on, it wouldn’t be me if there weren’t at least a few) are that I’d like to see Mouth’s story intertwine more with those of everyone else (which will no doubt happen when he and Brooke’s assistant hook up), and the fact that Victoria’s response (”Whatever.”) to Brooke’s heartfelt “I love you” felt completely fake. I mean, there’s being a bitch and then there’s… well, that. Otherwise, however, this show is on a role. If it’s not careful, it might just go from “guilty pleasure” to just plain pleasure. Bonus kudos to the promo department for luring us in with that kiss between Nathan and the nanny… only to have the buss turn out to be one in a brilliantly-executed series of dream sequences.

Some of you may remember that I was excited about the return of PARADISE HOTEL. Okay, excited might be something of a mild understatement. And after some slow going, Monday night’s PH2 eventually morphed into the kind of hot mess that made the first season such gloriously trashy viewing. So far, none of the models… er, contestants have morphed into characters as memorable as 2003’s psycho Zach, explosive Toni or Charla, the eventual winner who will always be remembered for the truly hard to watch scene in which she admitted that the touch of roomie Dave made her “skin crawl.” But Raheim is an egomaniacal time bomb who is only a few ticks away from exploding, pretty-boy James seems like the type who will do some serious damage and Tidisha has some serious self-esteem issues waiting to turn her into a sloppy mess. And did I mention the virgin cheerleader? It is tough, however, to sink into this debauchery knowing that one of the guests, Nathan Clutter, passed away this past October. Fox Reality is doing its best to sell us the sleeze, and yet their web page notes that Nathan “touched everyone he encountered with his thoughtfulness and decency.” True as those words may be, it’s tough to sell decadence and decency on the same web page. And make no mistake, they’re selling sex. The “backstage secrets” webisode features a perky hostess saying, “The first episode started off with a bang. Well, there wasn’t any banging, but…”

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ABC should be ashamed of themselves for building an entire ad campaign for THE BACHELOR around the breakdown of one of the rejected girls. Oh, sure, I watched. I’m only human! Plus, if I don’t watch these things and report back to y’all, who will? I think of it as a public service. After last night’s episode, I’m more convinced than ever that bachelor Brad is, in fact, the dumbest man ever featured on a dating show. He’s beginning to make JOE MILLIONAIRE star Evan look like a Mensa member.

While we’re talking about dating shows, I caught the second episode of A SHOT AT LOVE WITH TILA TEQUILLA this morning. Because really, what better way to start your day than with hunks and lesbians competing for the affections of a walking petri dish? This may be my new favorite dating show of all time. This week, Marcus — the would-be badass who laughs like a freaked-out hyena — got the boot after he and southern fried “elementary teacher” (elementary what, I can’t help wondering) got into a literal shoving match at the pool. Grace (the only woman I’ve ever seen don a flannel swimsuit), Steffanie (who was hot in a “oh, crap, I thought she was a dude!” kinda way) and Eddie (whose virginity left Tila downright confused) joined Marcus in exiting. Best moment of the episode? Lala — owner of the reddest weave in broadcast history — walking out of the competition after discovering that she was there to compete with men. What made it so fantastic was not that the girl showed a surprising level of self-respect (I can only imagine someone in casting got fired for letting her slip through), but that it looked as if she was gonna walk all the way home in a white bikini and matching high heels.

As much as I don’t care for the show REAPER, I’ve got to give the CW credit for those commercials in which Ray Wise — the show’s devil incarnate — dances about in a graveyard to the tune “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year” before the words “Happy Halloween” pop up on screen. Funny stuff.

Caught the latest episode of LIFE IS WILD last night. I can’t tell you how much I love this silly little show. Maybe part of me feels as if it karmically balances out the joy I take in watching SHOT AT LOVE. I’m loving the subtle build-up to the triangle between Oliver, Katie and Tumelo. And I’m happy to report that the requisite rebel teen — played to perfection by Andrew St. John — is starting to mellow at least a bit. A little of that “obnoxious bad boy who has a heart of gold” crap goes a long way with me. I still can’t quite put my finger on what it is I love about this show, but as long as I get my weekly dose, I’m a happy camper. And really, can’t we all use more shows that leave us feeling good when they’re over?

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If you’re going to be in L.A. for the Daytime Emmys next week, you’ve got to be at the world-famous Derby on Thursday night: ONE LIFE TO LIVE’s Kathy Brier (the Hairspray star who plays schoolteacher Marcie) is teaming up with castmates Kassie DePaiva (scheme queen Blair) and Renee Elise Goldsberry (poor, comatose Evangeline) for a kickass three-in-one concert!

“We’ve never done a fan event like this before where we have all teamed up for a joint show,” Brier tells thetvaddict.com. “I am so psyched about sharing the stage with these two other stellar women!”

Amen to that! Not only will Brier be performing songs from her rockin’ debut album, Heartbreaker, but DePaiva will be warbling tunes from her new release, I Want to Love You, and Goldsberry, tracks from her CD, Beautiful. And there’s no telling what surprises they’ll throw in!

“It’s great to get to do this event in L.A., too,” New York-based Brier adds. “There aren’t a lot of fan events held in L.A., so we are looking forward to kicking off the Emmy weekend with a really fun time and hope to see the fans.

“Also,” she teases, “you never know who else might show from the show.”

Tickets ($50 each for the show and post-concert photo/autograph session, $76 each for the show, photo/autograph session and a copy of each actress’ CD) are available at: www.clubderby.com.

Well, it’s a step in the right direction, anyway. ONE LIFE TO LIVE announced yesterday that headwriter Dena Higley was being let go, with former co-headwriter Ron Carlivati taking her spot as the top scribe. And while we’re going to try and hope that this means major — and very necessary — changes will hit the screen in the months to come, color us skeptical. Why? Because ABC’s big problem still remains: Brian Frons, head of ABC’s daytime division, has proven himself to be something of a disaster. Under his watch, all three of ABC’s sudsers have turned into dark tales filled with unrelatable characters, violent stunts which have replaced character-driven storylines, and a general lack of knowledge. Why, for example, did the network put Kay Alden and Jack Smith — former headwriters for long-time #1 drama THE YOUNG & THE RESTLESS — under contract only to eventually let them go? (Alden, it has been announced, will now become a co-headwriter with THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s head honcho, Brad Bell.) Why can the horrific Megan McTavish from ALL MY CHILDREN… only to replace her with the equally dreadul Barbara Esensten and James Harmon Brown, who have written for LOVING, PORT CHARLES, THE CITY… notice a pattern here? All those shows have been cancelled! And it was during their stint at GUIDING LIGHT that Josh cloned (yes, that’s right, cloned) Reva!

But as we said, we’re trying to look at this as a positive change. So with that in mind, we’d like to offer OLTL’s new scribe a little advice. Perhaps he, unlike Frons or Higley, will at least attempt to listen to what fans actually want to see on screen. So here we go:

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This May, ONE LIFE TO LIVE’s hush-hush storyline was to revolve around a hostage situation in which several students — presumably including Llanview’s own Romeo & Juliet, Cole and Starr — were to be terrorized. The storyline would have followed not only those being held at gunpoint (rumor has it Henry, the shy young man played by Jonathan Groff of Broadway’s Spring Awakening, was the character with his finger on the trigger) but the concerned members of the community.

And then, a real-life madman killed 32 students at Virginia Tech University.

As a result, 17 episodes of the soap had to be rewritten and taped. In a press release, executive producer Frank Valenti was quoted as saying, “Out of respect to those affected by this devastating tragedy, especially the families, I felt that it was important to remove this storyline from our show.”

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In a shocking twist worthy of the supernatural sudser, PASSIONS — recently cancelled by NBC — has risen from its premature grave. Earlier this morning, NBC Universal Television — the studio which produces PASSIONS — announced that the soap will end its NBC run with a cliffhanger-packed episode on Friday, September 7… and then return to the airwaves on Monday, September 17 with all new episodes. The only catch? The soap will be airing on DIRECTV. In other words, no satellite, no PASSIONS (although it remains unclear whether the episodes will be available on NBC’s website as is currently the case). The show will continue to air at 2 p.m. daily, although it will switch to four days a week as opposed to five, with a weekend marathon. Our fondest hope? That when the show makes the jump, headwriter James Reilly does not go along for the ride and instead new blood is brought in. Unless major changes occur behind the scenes to improve the quality of the stories being told, it seems likely that DIRECTV will quickly come to regret this expensive move.

Let’s get this right… so GENERAL HOSPITAL wants us to believe that Mr. Craig - the guy who held half of Port Charles hostage and shot Robin Scorpio, is, in fact, Jerry Jax? To paraphrase THE SIMPSON’s Comic Book Guy, “Worst. Twist. Ever.”

When suave baddie Mr. Craig - as played by charismatic Sebastian Roche - stole the show during February’s Metro Court hostage crisis, the folks behind the scenes went into overdrive trying to figure out how they could keep both the actor and character on the canvas. Having already gone the “bad-guy-gets-a-good-twin” route with both the Ruiz and Alcazar brothers, the writers decided to give Jax’ brother, Jerry (previously played by Julian Stone) a new face and try to sell us on the notion that rackish Jerry had somehow morphed into sociopathic James Craig.

All together now: “Say what?”

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Over the past few years, THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL has developed a reputation for telling some of daytime’s most outrageously entertaining tales, nearly all of which have focused on the Forrester family’s tendency to marry one another’s former spouses and the long-running battle between matriarch Stephanie and her former daughter-in-law Brooke. Beginning tomorrow, the sudser will launch another stunner of a tale when a bullet fells one of the cast. And while it doesn’t take a genius to predict who will literally bite the bullet — could it be creepy stalker Shane, who suddenly reappeared last week after being absent for several months and happens to have a gun in his car? — look for several central characters to behave in a most shocking manner following tomorrow’s shooting. (Of course, if the show really wants to shock us, they might have Brooke marry — or at least date — someone who isn’t related to Ridge!)

With PASSIONS ending it’s relatively brief and definitely bizarre run later this year, DAYS OF OUR LIVES fans can’t help but wonder if their soap will be next. Adding to the uncertainty is the fact that NBC has indicated that the long-running sudser may not be safe beyond 2009 as well as declining ratings and the fact that current storylines are… well, in a word, bad.

Fortunately, executive producer Ken Corday seems well aware that the residents of Salem are endangered and, according to interviews he’s been giving, is doing everything within his power to save the troubled show. Figuring that the poor guy can use all the help he can get, we decided to offer up a few helpful tips. So here’s what we believe needs to be done - pronto! - if the serial is going to return to its glory DAYS.

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