Forgive me, TVAddict, for I have sinned.
Either that, or crappy shows have gotten a whole lot better than they once were. Yeah, let’s go with that. Because otherwise, I’m going to have to eat a bit of crow, and there’s nothing that gets stuck in my craw like crow.
That said, I have to admit that two shows which I’ve dissed in the past — one of which I even went so far as to declare my hatred for (earning myself the wrath of its disciples) — have won me over.
Now, let’s not get crazy. I’m not going to go around proclaiming my love of SUPERNATURAL and ONE TREE HILL. It’s not as if snocones are being dished out in Hell.
But I will admit that I’ve… warmed to them.
Especially SUPERNATURAL.
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Wonder if ABC is kicking itself for having wasted their remaining episode of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES to try and lure viewers — much as Bree used son Andrew — to CASHMERE MAFIA. Had it worked, they’d be called brilliant, but as the ratings proved, even strike-deprived TV fans had little interest in Darren Star’s attempt to beat SEX AND THE CITY author Candace Bushnell to the punch. How bad were the numbers? Let’s just say that the second hour of AMERICAN GLADIATORS took a hit out on the MAFIA gals.
I was wildly uncomfortable with the whole “Bree pimps her son to an older guy” storyline on DH… which means it was wildly successful. Let’s face it… a good, adult-skewed dramedy should, on occasion, make us squirm. And that sure wasn’t going to happen with the ridiculous “Lynette has an epiphany” crap. Although I have to say, Felicity Huffman can make just about anything work. When Lynette was running around that field with Ida’s ashes, how radiant was Huffman? Given the opening sequence in which Edie clasped Karen’s hand, wouldn’t it have been nice if she’d played into that storyline, too? What the hell does Nicollette Sheridan have to do to get a storyline?
Now onto MAFIA: Only a show created by a man (Darren Star) and written by another man (Kevin Wade) could think it was a good idea to have the first five minutes feature Lucy Liu as a girlie-girl. Within the first 10 minutes, this show shoved every stereotype and cliche down our throats, and tried washing it down with a plot that was beyond predictable. How bad was it? The nanny quit, one of the ladies actually said “It’s 2007, she can have it all!”, the newly engaged couple were made competitors, a teen walked in on her mom having sex and there was a “woman with a penis” joke. We’re talking first 10 minutes, kids. And of course, what would a male-conceived show centering on women be without a beautiful gal questioning her sexuality (with her first kiss set, of course, to the tune “You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman”)? And should any of my real-life friends be reading this, a note: If you’re going to tell me that the person I love is cheating, doing so right before the party at which I’m going to be honored is definitely not the right moment. Of course, it all ends with hoisted champagne glasses and a round of “I don’t know what I’d do without you girls.” Were this all even mildly amusing or compelling, these flaws might be forgiveable. Sadly, it’s not. The cast is uniformly excellent and luminous (particularly Miranda Otto’s Juliet, who is sheer perfection as the icy, cheated-upon wife who vows revenge)… too bad nobody thought to give them a script equally sparkly. The last line is, “This is going to be fun,” but I can’t say I’ll be sticking around to find out if that proves true in future episodes. Hopefully, LIPSTICK JUNGLE will show the MAFIA chicks how it’s really done.
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Am I alone in thinking that the GOSSIP GIRL storylines involving the adults tend to be more interesting than those of our central teens? Sure, the kids get the good lines (”I don’t speak Ukranian, but I do speak envelope of cash, and he understood me perfectly.”) but they don’t always click as real human beings. Frankly, I might just be wishing that the characters were as well-defined as they are in the books upon which the series is based. That said, I have to admit that Ed Westwick’s Chuck Bass is one of the most deliciously vile creatures to slither onto the TV screen in ages. Far and away the best line of the night was young Eric intoning to his sis, “Mom looks about as happy as grandma at last call.” Speaking of whom, bring back CeCe, pronto! I miss the old gal!
I really loved LAW & ORDER: GOSSIP GIRL DIVISION this week. I mean, the beautiful, blonde rich girl murdered by the brunette socialite whose world she threatened to rock? It was pretty hard not to think about S and B and the rest of their Upper East Side co-horts, especially given the promos for the real GOSSIP GIRL which have been running for weeks and made it seem as if someone was gonna bite the bullet. This was the SVU that I once knew and loved… fun story, great actors and absolutely no personal info about the detectives. The L&O mothership, meanwhile, didn’t thrill me with its season premiere. First of all, two separate episodes does not make for a “two-hour premiere!” Then again, the first hour was so yawn-inducing that I’m glad it didn’t go on for 120 minutes (although it seemed twice that). Is it really the best idea for a show which once prided itself on refusing to get personal where its leads are concerned to kick off the season delving into the personal issues of new cop Jeremy Sisto? Worse, the plot was yet another retread of the tried-(or should I say tired) and true assisted suicide storyline the show has trotted out time and again. The second hour’s story was more interesting, although it was amazing how quiet Manhattan seemed during the blackout which played a crucial role in the unfolding drama, and they relied on yet another overused plot device by having the earnest attorney tell the cops to go ahead and execute a search warrant he hadn’t actually obtained. Wake me when they run out of new episodes and start rerunning the classics.
Why do bad people keep on winning? I’m tempted to quit watching THE AMAZING RACE now that Kynt and Vixen — aka the good-hearted goths — have been eliminated, especially since they lost to Nate and Jen. Nate’s got a bit of a temper, but who can blame him given the nasty piece of work he’s teamed up with. These two take the fun out of dysfunctional.
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Oh, sure, with the writers strike sticking around like Britney Spears at an open bar, the networks are keeping a tight lid on their top-secret plans for 2008. Fortunately, your pal CT is in the know. So here, without further ado, are the hush-hush plot twists set to rock your favorite shows if and when the strike ever resolves itself.
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
After it’s revealed that her entire clan perished in that ratings stunt… er, tornado, Lynette cries for about three seconds before realizing that she’s been given a second chance. Quicker than you can say “extra pepperoni” she’s summoned Jason Gedrick — aka the only interesting thing about that stupid pizza parlor plot from a while ago — back for a little vo-de-oh-doh-doh. And expect jaws to drop when it turns out that gay neighbor Bob and Katherine Mayfair’s spouse, Adam, once shared a steamy history when both lived in a tiny Pennsylvania town called Llanview.
GOSSIP GIRL
My source on the set of the Upper East Side saga reveals that tongues will wag when it is revealed that Serena’s snippy grandma is actually the person behind the secret-spilling site which keeps tabs on N, B, C and the rest of the gang. That’s right… CeCe is GG!
LOST
Can’t wait three years to find out what will be revealed in the final episode? No need… because I’ve got the dirt. That scene in which Jack told Kate that they had to go back to the island and that leaving had been a huge mistake? What they didn’t show you was a demented fan (rumored to be none other than our pal Daniel, the TV Addict himself) standing just off-camera, holding a gun on Jack and demanding that the entire cast and crew head back to the island (aka Hawaii) and provide us with some damned answers ASAP!
SUPERNATURAL
Things will change forever where the Winchester boys are concerned after they cross paths with a vampire slaye and her bi-sexual Wiccan gal pal. Just as things heat up between Dean and the slayer, rumor has it a tall, dark and kinda monosyllabic vampire from her past will put in a most untimely appearance. Also, watch for a special Sweeps episode in which a demon shows the boys what life would have been like had they settled in a small Connecticut town with freakishly fast-talking residents.
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So ONE TREE HILL will be back in a few weeks, and I find myself asking the age-old question: Am I so hard-up for new programs that I’ll give this monstrosity another try? I think we all know the answer. (Is there anybody out there actually excited about its return?) Could fast-forwarding the plot four years so that the 30something actors are now playing 20somethings instead of high school kids really work?
My housemates and I have decided that Bravo should do a new competition in which past contestants from PROJECT RUNWAY, TOP CHEF, TOP DESIGN and SHEER GENIUS compete against one another in a variety of competitions covered on their individual shows. The reality star who proves to be the best designer/chef/decorator/hairstylist will win, and we’ll call the show TOP, a title sure to appeal to the huge gay audience drawn in by Bravo’s competitions. (If you didn’t get that joke, you are so not among our dream show’s target audience.)
Forgive me, but I’m going on record as loving the crapfest known as CROWNED. It might help that I went into it with the lowest of low expectations, only to find myself laughing at — definitely not with — several of the mother/daughter duos competing for the prize. How can you not get a kick out of a show on which two women name their team Silent But Deadly without realizing that they’ve become a walking flatulence joke? And then there’s Patty and Laura, who define the word “insincere” with their every word, gesture and deed. Finally, there’s Angela, the kind of camera-ready drama queen whom you know spent the weeks before taping got under way figuring out the best way to make herself the center of attention. Her chosen course? Stirring up trouble at every turn. She’s a truly vile woman who represents the worst of what people often become on reality television. I’m not sure I really get the point of having the Cabana Boy around, but you know, I’ve never one to begrudge viewers pointless eye candy. (Although why you’d call him a Cabana Boy and not put him in a swim suit, I’m not sure. Then again, I don’t get why the guy isn’t 75 percent hotter.) It’s nice to see that Nick Verros (of PROJECT RUNWAY’s season 2) getting a little work, if only to show the would-be models that there is life after reality tv… if by “life” you mean landing a one-shot on another reality show. At this point, I’m hoping to see Hollis and Gina walk away with the crown since they’re the only ones who seem like truly decent people.
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ABC’s new limited-run game show, DUEL, is kinda fun, and I like the idea of watching for five nights, rooting for my favorites and then getting a pay-off in the end. But in a way, I don’t want it to be a hit because it’s not something I would watch regularly, and heaven knows the networks are completely incapable of letting something that has even a moderate following remain a nice little mini-event. Remember DEAL OR NO DEAL? I’d love to think that ABC learned something by driving WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? into the ground, but I think we all know that’s not the case. Oh, and I’d love to see the research supporting the network’s claim that this is “the most highly anticipated quiz show in the world.” I have a word for them: hyperbole. Look it up.
Holy crap, did you catch that fantastic promo for LOST that aired during DUEL last night? If not, head to youtube, ’cause I’m sure it’s there.
A moment during the end of last week’s episode of CANE has me so mad I could spit. In the next-to-last act of the episode, a character was trapped in a truck by a fire that raged out of control all around him. Great cliffhanger, right? Yup… except that CBS then cut to an in-house ad touting the truck featured in the scene, showing it plow through the burning field to make a great escape and touting the fact that viewers could go to their website to see how the stunt was done. The only problem? The escape scene hadn’t yet aired! I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that somewhere along the lines, it was pointed out to execs that they were giving away what would happen in the post-commercial scenes. And I’m just as certain that those execs said, “Yeah, but [insert name of truck manufacturer which I refuse to publicize here] will want the ad placed right after a scene in which it is heavily featured. By the time the next commercial break rolls around, people will have forgotten all about the truck.”
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I caught the special Christmas episode of SUPERNATURAL the other night and… brace yourselves… I really liked it. What can I say? I’m a sucker for little old people who happen to be demon-worshipping pagans. Is it just me, or does this show — which, as many C.T. haters out there know, I’ve only see a few times — love to play with the homoeroticism between the brothers? When Sam and Dean tried to buy a wreath, the guy selling them obviously thought they were a couple and they played it up, very tongue in cheek. What? Is it just me? I know this isn’t the first time I’ve seen that kind of exchange played. Meanwhile, for those who recommended episodes for me to check out after my confession to, um, not liking (to say the least) this show, you might be interested to know that I’ve been doing just that and will be offering up a new piece in the next couple weeks which will… um… well, let’s just see how my viewings go, shall we?
Is it time for season three of DEXTER yet? I seriously love that show. Yes, I’d be a tad happier if they didn’t write every season-concluding episode as if it were a series finale. Would it kill them to give a guy a cliffhanger?
Am I the only one who fast-forwards through SURVIVOR’s “remember your fallen tribe mates” crap each and every season? I suppose if you’re going to do a three-hour episode, it’s good to have a block of time in which everyone can go make snacks, phone loved ones, check their e-mail. And if there’s one thing I never, ever want to hear another contestant on this show say it’s, “I’m not ready to go home yet.” I’d rather listen to them whine and complain about wanting to go home than have the final four using the worst line in the book instead of just being honest and saying, “You know something? I worked every bit as hard as you did, and I want that cold, cool million bucks. So hell no, I don’t want you voting my butt out.”
Before the new season of BIG BROTHER begins in February, Julie Chen should be forced to watch Jeff Probst whether he’s hosting tribal council or a reunion show. This guy is both entertaining and asks the hard questions. He calls people on their moronic moves, and finds out what we all want to know. “Courtney, are you anorexic, bulemic or delusional?” or “James, you had two hidden immunity idols and didn’t use either. Are you a moron?” Okay, so I’m paraphrasing.
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Anticipating a rather lengthy spate of reruns thanks to the writers strike, I’m checking out a few shows that are either new to me or which I’ve only seen an episode or two of. The latest one? Geek-turned-spy comedy CHUCK, which I saw the pilot of and liked, but not enough to become a regular viewer. So Monday night, I tuned back in and found that little has changed since the pilot… and I mean that in the best way possible. There’s nothing that can kill a struggling-to-survive show quicker than if newbies wander in and the show has a mind-boggling mythology or complicated backstory making it nearly impenetrable to the uninitiated or casual viewer. While I may not know exactly how Bryce came back from the dead or the circumstances which led to a much-discussed kiss between our hero and fellow operative Sarah, it didn’t much matter. The hour was fast-paced, enjoyable and easy to digest. The laughs weren’t of the belly variety and the plot didn’t require all that much attention be paid, but that’s part of the show’s charm, as is an incredibly appealing cast. The gimmick here — Chuck’s brain dowloaded a whole lot of top-secret intel which comes to him in flashes — is probably the weakest link, but it’s really little more than a way of bringing together people who wouldn’t otherwise have a reason to talk let alone bond and bumping the plot from point a to z without us having to think too hard. All in all, I’d have to say this show is a gee-whiz-that-was-fun winner. If you suddenly find yourself with some empty hours to fill thanks to the strike, you could do a whole lot worse than this charmer.
Finally, a well-written, interesting, debate-filled episode of LAW & ORDER: SVU! I know, I know, after last week’s mess of an offering I vowed to stop watching, but… well, I lied. Sue me. This week, the plot involved polygamy, involuntary female circumcision (ouch), a movement encouraging the snuffing-out of snitches and more… including a fantastic final-act twist. In a throwback to classic L&O, the personal details were scant and yet intriguing; the look on Benson’s face as she realized that Stabler had dated an attractive bit player helping them gather info was subtle and perfect. This is the show I fell in love with. Let’s have more episodes like this and fewer of the sucktacular crap like last week.
Speaking of craptacular, anybody else notice the size of those promos for The Bourne Ultimatum which popped up every 15 minutes or so during SVU? It’s bad enough that the networks allow more and more time to be taken up by ads, or that the insist on pimping whatever show is coming up next, tomorrow or somewhere down the line. But these were ads for a DVD being released on December 11. You want to hawk DVD’s? Do it on your own time. These types of promos are taking over the screen and serve to immediatley take us out of the show we’re trying to watch. Producers need to stand up and demand that the networks put an immediate stop to this kind of nonsense.
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You know why SAMANTHA WHO? is my household’s favorite new show? Because it isn’t trying to reinvent the long-rumored-to-be-dead comedy genre, it’s just — and this is pretty crucial — funny. Very, very funny. Every performance is spot on. Yes, yes, Melissa McCarthy is basically playing GILMORE GIRLS gal pal Sookie, but I loved that character (before she became a breeding machine) so big whoop. Best of all, SAMANTHA doesn’t settle for the typical sitcom set-up, punch line dialogue, instead offering such witty exchanges as when our heroine apologized for dragging Andrea (the deliciously wicked Jennifer Esposito) into her web of deceit, only to have the bad girl reply, “I’m a lawyer. Web of deceit is where I pick up my mail.” This week’s outing — in which Samantha’s car accident triggered a chain of lies leading to an unexpected twist involving mom Jean Smart — was another sparkling entry, although it would have been nice to see Sam’s in-progress story with Eddie Cibrian continue. Then again, no need to rush things… right?
I tried watching another episode of REAPER last night, and within the first five seconds, Tyler Labine — or rather his character, Sock — was once again ruining the show for me. The guy is a seriously talented actor, but I just can’t stand the walking slacker stereotype he’s playing.Not that his alter ego isn’t completely in keeping with the tone of this show, on which Ray Wise’s devil refers to his minion as a “wienie.” You don’t need to see the scene in which the lead’s two best friends easily convince his girlfriend to bare all in a hot tub to realize who the target audience is here. We’re in what was once Porky’s territory here, where authority figures are to be mocked, feminism is a dirty word and men will be boys.
There’s something kind of kharmicly pleasing when one of the annoying twosomes is eliminated from THE AMAZING RACE. This time around, it was bickering Shana and Jennifer. While they weren’t as bad as some previous contestants, their whiny, bitchy ways had me hoping that the next leg of the race would involve a bus which someone could then throw them under. And yet, such is the power of this show’s closing moments that when the two annoying blondes spoke of having learned so much during their journey and then were shown walking hand-in-hand into the sunset toward a gorgeous windmill, I couldn’t help thinking, “Aww… they’re not that bad!” Especially when compared to Nate and Jen. At various points in the evening, he called her a bitch and said “I just can’t believe what kind of person you’ve turned into. It’s the ugliest thing I’ve seen in my life.” Her response? “Same with you, Nate.” At this point, I’m totally rooting for Kynt and Vyxsin, the goth duo who seem not only genuinely nice and loving, but actually take the time to smell the roses. Far too few of the teams seem to do that.
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If last night’s episode of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES felt almost like a season-ending cliffhanger, what with the unanswered questions of who lived and who died, then you’ll understand why ABC is making that the last new episode to air until the resolution of the writers strike. Although they have another episode in the can, what better way to make sure people are excited to tune back in following what may well be an endless spat of reruns than leaving the fate of several characters up in the air? Meanwhile, I have to admit I was secretly tickled pink when Mrs. McCluskey called Lynette out on being a friend-in-need. I’ve thought for the longest time that Lynette is a God-awful mom… the kind we’d all dread to have as a neighbor. Oh, and how funny was it that the tornado took out the fountain which caused so much debate in the hood? But those scenes in which Victor picked up a gun and chased Carlos as cars fell from the sky was reminiscent of the worst scenes in Titanic, when Billy Zane ignored the fact the unsinkable boat was doing just that in favor of chasing his rival around.
One of the things I absolutely love about DEXTER is the fact that week after week, the show puts our serial-killing lead in the tightest spots since THE PERILS OF PAULINE, leaving us to wonder how on God’s green earth he’ll get out of each one. Better, the show then offers up regular emotional shocks, such as last night’s final-scene revelation in which Dex’s world was turned upside down when he learned the truth about adopted dad Harry’s death. Whoa. I’ll admit to having been worried when psychobabe Lila was kept on the canvas once Dexter dumped her, but watching her mess with Angel leaves me hoping that she gets everything she deserves. I’ll even conceded that Doakes, whom I’ve hated from the very beginning because of his one-note nature, scored a few points with me last night. Or rather, the writers scored points by finally making me understand at least a little bit better their determination to keep him wildly unlikeable: Seeing his steely facade crack as Dexter’s deviously dark plan for him unfolds has been positively spine-chilling.
Did anybody else catch the commercials Charmin has been running memorializing the late, much loved Dick Wilson, better known to millions as the toilet paper-squeezing Mr. Whipple. It’s not often that an advertisement can fill you with sentimentality, but this one certainly has that impact on me. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but Wikipedia claims that Wilson appeared in over 500 commercials for Charmin, allowing him the luxury of working only 12 days a year and still earining approximately $300,000 a year. Based on the feeling of good-will I felt toward Charmin upon seeing the farewell ad, I’d say they got their money’s worth.
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