Broadcast delays: Sorry, but thanks to the potent combination of the internet and CBS’ own live feeds, any fan of the show not only knows days in advance what’s going to happen, but the real story as opposed to what the editors try and sell us. And trust me, the real story is always more interesting.

Bad casting: As our friends over at howrudeareyou.com pointed out in THIS POST, by filling the house with volatile, unlikeable people, that doesn’t give viewers many “root-for” options. (Thank God for Jordan!)

Scheduling: Ever since CBS moved the weekend episode from Saturday to Sunday, the show is regularly pushed back when sporting events run over. This weekend’s golf game caused the show to run 20 minutes over on the East Coast, meaning many viewers who tape the show found the all-important, episode-ending nomination ceremony being cut off.

Boredom: The show’s “been there, done that” feel is so contageous that even the contestants seem to be walking through the entire thing. If they’re not interested, why should we be?

I’m not proud about this, but I’ll admit that when watching THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA I fast forward through everything that doesn’t involve human train wrecks Kim and NeNe. Come to think of it, I’m not proud that I watch that show, period.

Having trouble sleeping at night? Tune into BIG BROTHER AFTER DARK over on Showtime Two. I switched it on last night and about 10 minutes later kicked myself, asking, “Am I really sitting here watching Jesse scrub dishes and make a sandwich?” The thrice-weekly episodes are painful enough. I sure as heck don’t need to put myself through the live stuff. So far this season, Jordan is my favorite houseguest. I kinda love that she’s dumb as a brick. She and Jeff seem pretty compatible in that regard, wouldn’t you say? Russell has grown on me, but Chima… there’s just something about her that skeeves me out. At least the wildly annoying Ronnie is finally gone. Lord, that boy worked my nerves…

A personal note to Nigel Lythgoe and any other producer out there thinking of hiring Paula Abdul: Please know that you will be doing so at the risk of your credibility. One of the things that has always set SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE apart from IDOL is the fact that the judges offer valid critiques as opposed to the insipid “Well, you look real pretty” remarks that Paula tries to pass off as valid. Yes, it might be interesting to see the former choreographer compete on DANCING WITH THE STARS (although given her history of back problems, I can’t help but think she would prove a sub-par performer), but for the most part, execs need to realize her value to them is mostly as a ratings-grabbing ploy. Then again, Lythgoe proved he’s not above that with the whole Katie Holmes performance this season, sold — not blatantly, but definitely intentionally — as a “live” gig, even going so far as to film it in such a manner as to try and trick viewers into thinking it had been done in front of the studio audience when it obviously wasn’t. These kind of stunts only serve to take away from the credibility of a show that, for the most part, proves itself to have far more integrity than most reality offerings (right down to acknowledging that they are searching for America’s “favorite” dancer as opposed to “best”) currently airing.

The current season of MTV’s THE REAL WORLD may have less to do with the real world than any in its history… and that’s including the Las Vegas-based Stephen and “Trashelle” season. And unless I miss my guess, someone needs to tell sex-starved Jasmine that the reason she ain’t getting any from Patrick is that he bats for the other team…

Airing over the past few months on ABC directly after THE BACHELORETTE, the woefully underrated NEWLYWEDS had something that few reality offerings do today: charm. The show appeared to be shot on a shoestring budget, had a laidback host and featured contestants who almost immediately defied the stereotypes which leapt to mind when they first appeared on screen.

During the first episode, I fell in loathe-at-first-sight with The Corliss’, who looked like a porn star and her meathead hubby. Yet by the end of the first hour, they’re wildly appealing senses of humor and down-to-earth nature had made them, against all odds, my favorites and the eventual winners. Thoughout the run of the show, each of the couples had their moments to shine and not a single one disappointed.

The same can not be said of this season’s housemates on BIG BROTHER. There’s not a Dan (last year’s winner) or Dr. Will (the charismatic bad guy who became one of the most compelling housemates in the show’s history) among them. Instead, we have loud, obnoxious, annoying people who are walking stereotypes. Worse, it is already wildly clear to anyone watching or reading about the live feeds that CBS is once again laying favorites in the editing of the show. A recently-aired confrontation between musclehead Russell and pretty-boy Jeff made the weightlifter look like the bad guy and his teammate look like an innocent man under attack. Of course, what they failed to show was the derogatory stream of gay slurs Jeff threw at his housemate on this occasion and several others.

Obviously, many of the people put into the BIG BROTHER house are there because they’ll create drama and, the network hopes, get people talking. But at this point, there seems to be no balancing personality… the person you root for amidst the madness.

And that’s why HERE COMES THE NEWLYWEDS deserves special — if belated — praise: The show went against the current trend in reality casting of looking for explosive personalities and instead gave us actual — God forbid — likeable people to root for. Here’s hoping that the network brings the show back next summer and gives us another batch of fun, relatable people whom we actually enjoy spending time with. It’d sure make a nice change of pace.

If there’s one show that I’m extremely distressed about the cancellation of, it has to be KINGS. While the first episode left me somewhat cold, it quickly found its footing and became a fascinating blend of almost lyrical dialogue, operatic storytelling and dynamic acting, particularly on the parts of Ian McShane and and Susanna Thompson as King Silas Benjamin and his queen, Rose. If you want to see television at its finest, go to NBC.com or Hulu.com and watch the episode titled “The Sabbath Queen”, in which secrets come to light during a blackout in the kingdom. It saddens me to no end that this show will soon conclude it’s run — although I’m glad to know that it will, reportedly, have a satisfying conclusion — so as to make room for yet more reality television. One recent twist in the story that came out of left field was the off-screen death of socialite-turned-Minister Of Information Katrina Ghent (played by the gorgeous Leslie Bibb, who seems to be popping up all over the place recently). The rivalry between Katrina and the queen was one of the highlights of recent episodes, so I was saddened by the character’s departure.

This weekend brings the two-hour finale of HARPER’S ISLAND, and friends who have seen the episode — which has already aired in Canada — say it is phenomenal. I won’t lie: the previous episode’s final moments, in which good-guy Cal was dispatched and his gorgeous girlfriend, Chloe, killed herself rather than allowing the psychotic murderer to do her in (”You can’t have me,” she said before taking a fatal plunge) actually left me crying. Kudos to CBS for not only launching the daring, limited-run series but, more importantly, for continuing to air it even after ratings proved disappointing. Other networks (cough*FOX*cough) could learn a thing or two from CBS’s example.

The things I do for you people. A few days ago, I checked out the premiere of NBC’s GREAT AMERICAN ROAD TRIP, which should probably be filed under “When Good Ideas Go Bad.” The concept is actually pretty fantastic: Seven families, each in a gigantic RV, traversing the famous Route 66 and taking part in competitions along the way. So far, so good… right? And then you meet the families. Unfortunately, the current trend in reality casting is to go for stereotypes. So of course, the Pollard family from Alabama is the most gun-lovin’, hickish clan they could find. And the DiSalvatore family of Yonkers, New York is loud, brash and headed by a guy who comes off as the love child of Brett Michaels and Joe Pesci, having inherited the worst traits of each. And I’m not sure what to make of host Reno Collier. I’m sure he’s a wonderful comedian, but I spent the entire hour wanting to tie the man’s hands to his side as he seemed completely incapable of speaking without holding them out as if he was Eva Peron appealing to the citizens of Argentina.

1) In 13 states, the show contains the highest legally-allowed guilt/pleasure ratio per hour.

2) You’ll feel silly when people talk about the “Chenbot” and you think it’s a dance.

3) CBS’ advertising calls it “the wildest season ever.” Surely they wouldn’t lie!

4) How else will you find out who the “mystery house guest” is?

5) Obviously you’re not going to be busy watching SAMANTHA WHO? If you were, maybe it wouldn’t have been cancelled in the first place.

The faux flash-forward that kicked off the new season of ONE TREE HILL was the kind of thing that makes me realize just how much I underestimated this show in the past. Last year, I became a major fan, accepting that while the acting is sometimes laughably bad, there’s something undeniably addictive about this drama. How can I resist Brooke and her mom (the wonderfully bitchy Daphne Zuniga) trading zingers? Or hearing Skills tell Deb they should go public by saying to her son,, “Nate, look, I’m dating your mom. Sleeping with her. Doing all kinds of freaky stuff with her.” Heck, the show even made up for what I thought was one of last season’s bigger mistakes — the blink-and-you-missed-it resolution of the storyline involving Jamie’s nutty nanny — by bringing creepy Carrie back and making her Dan’s nasty nurse! The only thing not working for me? The lame Lucas/Peyton pairing. How incredibly predictable! Come on, wouldn’t it have been more interesting if Lucas had called Brooke? The chemistry between them — even in that brief scene that topped the episode — is far more incendiary than what passes for sparks where he and Peyton are concerned. But hey, they ain’t married yet, so there’s still hope!

How much do you wanna bet that when some DAILY SHOW staffer told Jon Stewart that McCain’s vice presidential choice had an married, knocked-up teenage daughter, the host thought he was being punked? And I’m not sure, but I’d be willing to bet that COUNTDOWN’s Keith Olbermann salivated at the news. I imagine that the folks over at FOX News immediately began working to spin the poor girl’s upcoming insta-marriage (just add shotgun!) as proof that “Republican family values” work. At this point, the Republicans should just name Larry Craig their Values Czar and be done with it.

Shark alert! If you want to see AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL chum the waters before leaping bravely over a hungry fish, tune in to the premiere of cycle 10 on Wednesday for what can only be described as a cheesetacular offering. And not in a good way. First, it appears Tyra and company think they’ve actually been on the air for 10 years, what with the hour kicking off with talk about how they’re ready to head into the next “decade”, completely ignoring the fact that while they have done 10 “cycles”, the first debuted in 2003. Things quickly get weird when the show takes the concept “fashion forward” to new lows, with Mr. Jay and Miss J emerging from an Area 51 like hangar wearing white wigs and mylar. I kid you not. (And can I just tell you that it ain’t a flattering look… somehow, the outfits give Mr. Jay moobs!) The wanna-be models then go into a silly “scanning” room to be photographed before Tyra finally emerges — in futuristic garb and metalic make-up — from a gigantic tube, leaving one poor, dumb creature to actually say she thought it was a Tyra doll. I think by now y’all know that I love me some reality television in general, and ANTM in particular, but I’m not gonna lie: This episode was hard to watch. Hopefully, by next week things will settle back in to the regular routine. You know, girls alternately screaming every time anyone enters the room and uttering reality cliches (”I’m not hear to make friends, I’m here to win!”) when not trying to throw one another under any vehicle in sight.

Who could have predicted when BIG BROTHER’s latest season started that Renny — who ticked everyone off back in week one — and Jerry would still be in the house? Or that Jerry, who I would have sworn was a dead man walking, would turn the house upside down by winning a Head of Household competition? I want Dan, who has proven to be the most interesting player since Doctor Will, to walk away this season’s winner, but between Jerry’s unexpected victory and the number of people in the jury house who have reason to hate Dan, it’s seeming increasingly unlikely.

You’ve gotsta love the makeover episode of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL, if only to see which girls will emerge looking hot and which will wind up on the “ghetto mess” side. Every year, a girl cries, and this year it was Fatima, who wept while getting a weave. Now I’m told by a friend who has had her fair share of weaves that it is a pretty awful process. But for God’s sake, Fatima was the victim of genital mutilation in her home country! Surely the discomfort of a weave can’t begin to compare to having your vagina sewn shut! Meanwhile, Allison was this week’s “oblivious moron”, what with her insistence that she rocked her photo shoot despite the fact that the photographer — who said of her “the lights are on, but nobody’s home” — and Mr. Jay were clearly unhappy with her performance. And just for the record, when Miss Tyra asks if you know how to say “thank you” and then the panel looks at you expectantly, be smart enough to say — all together now — thank you! Oh, a special note to the producers: We viewers are willing to put up with product placement, but there’s a limit. This single hour featured Apple Bottom jeans, specific Cover Girl products (as well as the weekly mention of the company with the makeup giant), Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart.com and Elle McPherson’s line of “knickers.” Frankly, I was amazed that with all those products to be placed, they found time for actual commercials!

Those special effects GENERAL HOSPITAL used for the climax of the Text-Message Killer storyline were phenomenal. You can’t create that kind of tension on a simple sound stage. And kudos to the soap for not airing that cool “behind-the-scenes” footage, which gave fans a glimpse into how they achieved the effects, until after the storyline had wrapped so as not to give away any of the twists. But now that Diego’s dead (again), Emily’s murder has been solved and Liz has survived her latest crisis, I have something to say on behalf of every person I know who watches this show, and it can be summed up in four words: Stop the violence. Seriously.

Can anyone tell me why the heck BIG BROTHER’s Julie Chen offered up, in excruciating detail, every nuance of the big twist that was about to unfurl? “In a moment,” she said in a tone that I suppose passes for excitement when dealing with the emotionless Chenbot, “the evicted houseguests will go to the door and find it locked. Then the alarm will sound and they will be called into the living room, where they will learn that they are no longer playing as couples, but will now be competing as individuals.” Way to take absolutely any suspense out of the next ten minutes. And how crushed was poor, “Matty”-obsessed Natalie upon finding out that he would no longer be forced to share her bed! Meanwhile, reason #4,3679 to love Crazy James (as he’s referred to in both the chat rooms and, perhaps not coincidentally, in his gay porn clip on the web): The producers obviously instructed each couple to “debate” who they were going to vote to evict, and James turned it into an exercise in mockery. Chelsea could barely keep a straight face during their diary room interview.

I can only compare CBS’ BIG BROTHER and Showtime’s live AFTER DARK presentation as perhaps the best illustration ever put forth of the difference between edited, pre-packaged “reality” and unfiltered, uncensored reality. For every night when the camera focuses on such incredibly boring yet oh-so-real minutia as Joshua brushing his teeth or Ryan smoking his millionth cigarette there are the jaw-dropping moments such as Natalie and Chelsia’s full-frontal striptease followed by the orgiastic make-out session held by the housemates in the pool. Yeah, CBS definitely got their money’s worth out of that inhibition-loosening margarita party. And every time the camera cuts to showmancers Chelsia and James making out, I can’t help wondering how she’ll react upon re-emerging into society and learning about that videotape making the rounds in which he swaps spit with a guy before… well, you’ll just have to google it. God knows Julie Chen won’t get the reaction shot I’m dying to see. After Jen proclaimed that her boyfriend was a racist — and then vehemently denied having said as much when confronted by the guy — my best friend and I wondered what the girl was thinking. But when Jen and Parker were evicted and Julie Chen failed to ask, “How do you think Ryan will react to learning that you did, in fact, call him a racist?”, the real question became how Chenbot keeps her job.

There’s not a single original thought behind QUARTERLIFE… but that might not actually matter. What with being closer to starring in a show called HALFLIFE than one with this title, I’m not exactly the demographic that the producers are seeking out. (Hell, there’s nobody out there actively seeking out my demo.) And truth be told, I tuned in having a pretty good idea what to expect: THIRTYSOMETHING meets websoap YOUNG AMERICAN BODIES by way of MY SO-CALLED LIFE. Sure enough, QUARTER didn’t disappoint. The show isn’t re-inventing the wheel, but maybe you don’t always have to. Maybe having an appealing cast who look like real people (at least in warped Hollywood terms) and act with a balls-to-the-walls style that works more often than it doesn’t is enough. Anybody else check this out? Thoughts?