Much like GOSSIP GIRL’s titular character, I’m back. (I’ll refrain from saying, “You know you love me” and signing off with XOXO, CT”… but it’ll be tough. Anyway, a million thanks to our pals at The CW for recognizing that Labor Day marks not only the last day of summer but, at least symbolicly, the first day of fall and launching their new season. What better way to kick things off then by watching Blair Waldorf play games with Chuck “Basstard” against gorgeous backgrounds. It wouldn’t be GG without very bad things happening at a very hip party. This time around, it was the White Party, where Dan’s hypocrisy left him wearing more cocktails than he consumed, Nate’s affair with a married women (how gorgeous did Madchen Amick look?) took a completely expected twist and Blair learned the true meaning of the words “Oh my Lord!” As guilty pleasures go, the season premiere was the equivalent of a Jackie Collins novel toted to the beach: By the time the tide’s gone out, you’ll have forgotten the details despite having enjoyed the ride while it lasted.
The faux flash-forward that kicked off the new season of ONE TREE HILL was the kind of thing that makes me realize just how much I underestimated this show in the past. Last year, I became a major fan, accepting that while the acting is sometimes laughably bad, there’s something undeniably addictive about this drama. How can I resist Brooke and her mom (the wonderfully bitchy Daphne Zuniga) trading zingers? Or hearing Skills tell Deb they should go public by saying to her son,, “Nate, look, I’m dating your mom. Sleeping with her. Doing all kinds of freaky stuff with her.” Heck, the show even made up for what I thought was one of last season’s bigger mistakes — the blink-and-you-missed-it resolution of the storyline involving Jamie’s nutty nanny — by bringing creepy Carrie back and making her Dan’s nasty nurse! The only thing not working for me? The lame Lucas/Peyton pairing. How incredibly predictable! Come on, wouldn’t it have been more interesting if Lucas had called Brooke? The chemistry between them — even in that brief scene that topped the episode — is far more incendiary than what passes for sparks where he and Peyton are concerned. But hey, they ain’t married yet, so there’s still hope!
How much do you wanna bet that when some DAILY SHOW staffer told Jon Stewart that McCain’s vice presidential choice had an married, knocked-up teenage daughter, the host thought he was being punked? And I’m not sure, but I’d be willing to bet that COUNTDOWN’s Keith Olbermann salivated at the news. I imagine that the folks over at FOX News immediately began working to spin the poor girl’s upcoming insta-marriage (just add shotgun!) as proof that “Republican family values” work. At this point, the Republicans should just name Larry Craig their Values Czar and be done with it.
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I knew little Jamie was gonna wind up face-down in the pool sooner or later on ONE TREE HILL. I actually thought it would happen in the first episode, when pop Nathan was still in the wheel chair. I assumed Nathan would pull himself up from the wheelchair and save his son’s life. But no, they didn’t go the predictable route. Or at least not that predictable. Anybody else assume that when Brooke and her boy toy found a woman passed out in that glam New York City pad, it would be Victoria? Why is the show using Daphne Zuniga so infrequently? And am I wrong, or was Mouth completely missing from this week’s outing? And Lindsay? As much as I’m loving the show, it’s in serious need of balancing.
You’ve gotsta love the makeover episode of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL, if only to see which girls will emerge looking hot and which will wind up on the “ghetto mess” side. Every year, a girl cries, and this year it was Fatima, who wept while getting a weave. Now I’m told by a friend who has had her fair share of weaves that it is a pretty awful process. But for God’s sake, Fatima was the victim of genital mutilation in her home country! Surely the discomfort of a weave can’t begin to compare to having your vagina sewn shut! Meanwhile, Allison was this week’s “oblivious moron”, what with her insistence that she rocked her photo shoot despite the fact that the photographer — who said of her “the lights are on, but nobody’s home” — and Mr. Jay were clearly unhappy with her performance. And just for the record, when Miss Tyra asks if you know how to say “thank you” and then the panel looks at you expectantly, be smart enough to say — all together now — thank you! Oh, a special note to the producers: We viewers are willing to put up with product placement, but there’s a limit. This single hour featured Apple Bottom jeans, specific Cover Girl products (as well as the weekly mention of the company with the makeup giant), Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart.com and Elle McPherson’s line of “knickers.” Frankly, I was amazed that with all those products to be placed, they found time for actual commercials!
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I seriously fall more in love with ONE TREE HILL every week, Trust me, no one on the planet is more surprised by this development than me. But this show isn’t just a guilty pleasure… it is the guilty pleasure of the season. I mean, last night’s episode gave us everything… including the rare male bitchwalk. (You know… that scene in every show from BUFFY to POPULAR in which a group of hot chicks strut down the hall in slow motion to a pulsating soundtrack… which is exactly what we got when Lucas, Nathan and the team entered the gym for the game.) I was never a fan of Peyton… until the show turned her into a viper.When Brooke urged her gal pal to take the high road, I was shouting “No!” And damned if things didn’t go to hell when she blew Lindsay out of the water with news that Lucas had given her a hand-me-down ring. (Although frankly, I’d have held onto that bombshell until the wedding day.) And didn’t it seem odd that Mouth opted to cover his first game by sitting in the school’s hallway? But I really love that a shooting which happened four years ago continues to haunt the characters. Sure, that probably wouldn’t be the case were it four seasons later as opposed to a result of the fast-forward, but I’m still gonna give the show props.
I can only compare CBS’ BIG BROTHER and Showtime’s live AFTER DARK presentation as perhaps the best illustration ever put forth of the difference between edited, pre-packaged “reality” and unfiltered, uncensored reality. For every night when the camera focuses on such incredibly boring yet oh-so-real minutia as Joshua brushing his teeth or Ryan smoking his millionth cigarette there are the jaw-dropping moments such as Natalie and Chelsia’s full-frontal striptease followed by the orgiastic make-out session held by the housemates in the pool. Yeah, CBS definitely got their money’s worth out of that inhibition-loosening margarita party. And every time the camera cuts to showmancers Chelsia and James making out, I can’t help wondering how she’ll react upon re-emerging into society and learning about that videotape making the rounds in which he swaps spit with a guy before… well, you’ll just have to google it. God knows Julie Chen won’t get the reaction shot I’m dying to see. After Jen proclaimed that her boyfriend was a racist — and then vehemently denied having said as much when confronted by the guy — my best friend and I wondered what the girl was thinking. But when Jen and Parker were evicted and Julie Chen failed to ask, “How do you think Ryan will react to learning that you did, in fact, call him a racist?”, the real question became how Chenbot keeps her job.
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